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Local Middle School to add 6 More “No Smoking” Signs

Area middle school administrators announced on Monday that they would be adding an additional 6 "No Smoking" signs on the campus to accompany the 8 that currently are being displayed on the campus.

Democrat Candidates Battle Climate Change at an All-You-Can-Eat Iowa Steak Fry

The leading Democrat candidates spoke about the dangers of climate change at an annual Iowa steak fry.
Halal later lost a testicle in a tragic RPG misfire.

ISIS File Lawsuits for Faulty United States RPG’s

ISIS and Al-Qaeda have filed a lawsuit in federal court alleging that the U.S. government knowingly sold them defective RPGs.

Chinese-Branded Peanut Butter Angers Trump Supporter

After discovering a Chinese-branded version of Skippy peanut butter in the Grass Valley, CA Grocery Outlet, area Trump supporter and occasional restaurant racist Terry Adkinson proclaimed to a largely disinterested collection of shoppers that "this is why America is not great anymore."

Area Bigfoot Enthusiast Found Murdered

Seattle, Washington- Local fisherman, family-man and Bigfoot enthusiast George Hunterson was found dead in the Cascade Range of Washington state near I-90. His body was discovered by...

Penn Valley to Deny “Gay” Marriage Licenses

A group of local Christian activists have banded together to prevent same-sex marriages from happening in Penn Valley, CA. The group, called Citizen Against Non-Traditions or CAN'T, seeks to prevent anyone from gaining a marriage license in the rural, largely conservative town.
The annually pardoned White House turkey sadly committed suicide this week under curious circumstances.

Pardoned White House Turkey Commits Suicide

The annually pardoned White House turkey sadly committed suicide this week under curious circumstances.

Republican Candidates Compare Penis Sizes During Debate

During a particularly awkward moment during the Republican debate held in Detroit, Michigan, moderator Megyn Kelly admonished the candidates for dragging their body parts into their stump speeches.
The United States Hous of Representatives has introduces background checks for porn purchases.

House Introduces Universal Background Checks For Porn Purchases

Citing his party's newly leaked platform, Speaker of the House Paul Ryan (R-WI) says he will allow a vote on a bill that his Republican caucus has drafted which would create a federal universal background check before purchasing any pornographic content.

Terrible Stock Photo Toons Volume 3

This week's installment of Terrible Stock Photo Toons, Volume 3.
ISIS is considering purchasing the Washington Post.

ISIS Attempting To Buy The Washington Post

ISIS told reporters that his group is "seriously considering" an attempt to buy The Washington Post from Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos.
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