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Sanctuary Cities across the United States are threatening to house Central American asylum seekers in Trump-owned properties.

NYC Mayor de Blasio to House Migrants in Trump Tower

Sanctuary Cities across the United States are threatening to house Central American asylum seekers in Trump-owned properties.
elf-proclaimed postmodern social justice warrior David "Riddle Me" Shoreston seen here trying to disrupt fascist police officers with his trademark skinny jeans and fedora.

Skinny Jeans Fail to Subvert the Dominant Paradigm

Area hipster and self-proclaimed postmodern social justice warrior David "Riddle Me" Shoreston has given up his attempts to "subvert the dominant paradigm" with several deliberate act of protest which include his skinny jeans.
Grace Bowles of Grass Valley is raising $40,000 to send Fleshlights to troops overseas.

Area Woman Raises Funds To Ship Fleshlights To Troops Overseas

Area women Grace Bowles has started a GoFundMe campaign to raise money for Fleshlights to be deployed soldiers overseas.
Big game warden Jeff "One Shot" Adams works for the Department of the Interior and will be "darting" unvaccinated children.

FDA Approves Vaccination Dart Guns for Schools

After several recent incidents involving school children who have put larger communities at risk, the Federal Drug and Food Administration (FDA) has approved Vaccination "Dart Guns" to inoculate unvaccinated children as they arrive at school.
im 'Bodean' James (center), leader of the Knights of Stone Mountain, politely declined an invitation to protest in Watts earlier this week.

White Supremacist Group Politely Declines Invitation to Protest in South Central Los Angeles

A Georgia-based white supremacist group has politely declined an invitation to hold a protest in South Central Los Angeles, CNN is reporting today.

Study: IPA Drinkers More Likely To Be Assholes

The study had some surprising, and not so surprising findings.
Donald Trump has announced via Twitter that rocker Ted Nugent has been nominated for the yet-formed Department of the NRA.

Trump Names Ted Nugent as Acting Secretary of the NRA

In a surprise late-night announcement, President Donald Trump announced via Twitter that he has asked veteran conservative rocker Ted Nugent to head the Department of the NRA.
The famous children's television street finally had to breakdown and give directions to itself.

Sesame Street Reluctantly Gives Directions to Itself

The famous children's television street finally had to breakdown and give directions to itself.
The previous stolen and assumed missing Georgia Guidestones reappeared on the Don Ball baseball field in Derry, New Hampshire earlier today.

Missing Georgia Guidestones Reappear in Derry, New Hampshire

Early this morning, the Derry, New Hampshire police department began to get a series of bizarre phone calls from concerned citizens that a collection of large stone tablets had appeared in the area's Don Ball baseball field.
A photo taken after the Queen's performance for the Energy Advisors team.

Queen Stuns Private Buckingham Palace Audience With 16 Minute Sitar Jam

According to reports from inside Buckingham Palace, Queen Elizabeth II of England surprised a private gathering today when she played 3 songs on the sitar.
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