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Bernie Sanders Chemtrails

Bernie Sanders Calls for Eco-Friendly Chemtrail Reform

Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders made a surprise campaign stop in Nevada County on Monday afternoon. Sanders visited the area to announce his plan for a more environmentally friendly chemtrails program.
After several months of research, Apple Corporation has decided to replace Siri with Jeff Goldblum.

Apple To Replace Siri With Jeff Goldblum

According to engineering in Cupertino, CA company, they're abandoning the entire Siri framework and replacing it with a facsimile of Jeff Goldblum who famously led Apple's comeback marketing campaign in the late 1990s.

Mass Murder/Suicide Bombing Not Terrorism, Reports FBI

Following a horrific and coordinated mass-shooting and group suicide bombing that killed 51 people and injured 115 others at a Tennessee mall last week, the police and FBI are working in earnest to discern if the perpetrators were terrorists or not.

Area Asshole Insists on Ordering Starbucks Drink at Local Coffee House

Resident Don Vaca got into a spat Wednesday with Carolines Coffee Barista, he insisted on ordering a Venti Caramel Macchiato only sold at Starbucks.

Area Grandmother Finally Sends “Selfie”

After repeated attempts to send her daughter and granddaughter a "selfie," Mythel Adams of Grass Valley finally managed to send a somewhat coherant message using her new iPhone 6 that her daughter purchased for her.

New Girl Scout Cookies Address Wage Inequality

This year the Girl Scouts of America have expanded their social outreach to include some of the more pressing issues confronting Women across the world. To accomplish this, the 103 year old organization has announced a limited-time line of what they are calling "awareness cookies" which will augment the current cookie offerings which include Carmel deLites, formerly known as Samoas, Peanut Butter Patties and the family hoarding favorite, Thin Mints.

Donald Trump Reveals That He’s Really Andy Kaufman

Donald Trump shocked not only his staff, but the entire world today when he revealed he was actually Andy Kaufman. According to a White House Press pool photographer, who managed to snap the iconic moment, the President had just finished a heated argument with son-in-law and senior advisor Jared Kushner, when Mr. Trump got very angry, moved to the front of his oval office desk and ripped his face off.
During a telephone interview on Fox News' Fox and Friends, President Trump hinted that he might pardon Bill Cosby.

Trump Floats Bill Cosby Pardon

During what some are calling "Trump's rant" during his telephone interview on the popular morning Fox News talk show Fox and Friends, President Trump briefly mentioned that he was considering pardoning Bill Cosby.
Its ability to create compound prescriptions was a key selection factor Spring Hill's participation in chemtrail operations.

Local Pharmacy & Chemtrails Responsible for Flu Outbreak

The popular family-owned Spring Hill Pharmacy has colluded with Beale Air Force Officials to produce the recent influenza outbreak in Western Nevada County, Gish Gallop learned early Wednesday morning. According to insiders and a few shameless Facebook comments, people have successfully correlated the Spring Hill Pharmacy sign located on Dorsey Drive with overhead chem trails.
Although most people knew John Denver for his bucolic songs about nature and love, his past was dark and full of despair.

John Denver: The Untold Story of a Vietnam Sniper

During the 1970s he was arguably the most popular performer in the United State and exported his unique brand of optimism around the globe. But few know of his darker past, which the talented bard fought an internal battle for the rest of his life.

“Santorum Slips Out” Says Campaign Manager

Former United States Senator Rick Santorum, an anti-women's rights and anti-homosexual activist, has suspended his campaign for the presidency citing some slippery details that he'd "rather not get into."
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