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Man ‘Grateful’ He Was Too Busy Being Mugged To Watch Donald Trump’s Acceptance Speech

GREEN PORT, VIRGINIA -- Tad Williams was not able to watch Donald J. Trump's acceptance speech at the 2016 Republican National Convention, because he was too busy being shot, stabbed, beaten, kicked, and left...
Stevie Ray in his flashy Nay suit.

Area Horse Angers Citizens By Voting Nay

Ever since becoming a citizen, Stevie Ray has voted in every local election.

Holden Caulfield Calls Coronavirus “Phony”

An Agerstown, Pennsylvania prep student doesn't believe a single word the authorities are telling him.
Security Cameras spot a clown finding a place to sleep in a Green Bay Wisconsin parking garage.

Terror Strikes as Clowns Repeatedly Found Sleeping in People’s Cars

The nation is a little panicked and "freaked out" as people across the country have been opening their trunks only to find "spooky" clowns sleeping in them.

Fiorina: I Will Run America Like I Ran HP

Presidential hopeful Carly Fiorina deviated from her standard stump speech on Sunday afternoon when she announced to over 450 supporters that she plans on running the United States exactly how she ran Hewlett-Packard when she was the CEO.
While nihilists across the country have tried to reconcile their lack of beliefs with our President's lack of beliefs, one man has decided to analyze his nihilism.

Area Nihilists Find Empathy in the Era of Trump

A man was struck existential recently as he realized that names, headlines, and titles could be misrepresentations of the material provided, and that he might, perhaps, benefit by looking deeper into the subjects at hand.

Teenager Informs Family that it is Time to Leave

15-year-old Kevin Thomas of Grass Valley abruptly informed his family on Wednesday that he "was ready to go home" from their outing at the Yuba River.
Richard H. Thorndyke seen here recovering in Midland Memorial Hospital after his "sympathy" back alley vasectomy.

Texas Man Hospitalized After “Back Alley” Vasectomy

A Midland Texas man is in stable condition at Midland Memorial Hospital after he decided to have a "back alley" vasectomy in the neighboring town of Odessa.

California’s “Abortion Relocation Fund” Tops 1 Billion Dollars

A new California law pays women in pro-life States to have abortions in California.
Alabama Senatorial Candidate Roy Moore seen here portraying Santa in an area Mall.

Roy Moore’s Appearance as Santa at Alabama Mall Raises Concerns

Christmas shoppers at Fairfield's Western Hills Mall were surprised today by the appearance of Senatorial Candidate Roy Moore dressed as Santa Claus. According to a Moore campaign spokesperson, the controversial Republican wanted to show how Malls across Alabama welcome him.
Leaked memos reveal that wireless providers are concerned about the upcoming 6G technology.

6G Frightens Even Wireless Companies

Leaked memos reveal that wireless providers are concerned about the upcoming 6G technology.
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