Shelly Wagner made an unfortunate discovery Monday afternoon after purchasing a sexual aid she thought was a common household tool at the Salvation Army.
In what is being hailed as an example of 21st Century corporate and government cooperation, Marriott International has announced late Thursday that it will develop "Defense-friendly" resorts next to United States Detention facilities in and around the developing world.
Local Trump supporter and protest attendee, Brandon Whosville--aged somewhere between 18-23 based on vocabulary analysis alone--publicly stated in a Facebook group that, "he wouldn't be baited into making headlines that help the left" referring of course, to the "left wing/right wing" ideology that makes up the structure of modern American politics.
Alleged billionaire and Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told reporters this week that he'd be open to a corporate merger between Russia and the United States should he win the election in November.
Twitter users seized upon the egregious typographical error, drubbing the President with justified ridicule. However, according to a former Secret Service Agent who directly contacted Gish Gallop, this is no ordinary typo.
President Trump plans to continue his annual practice of shooting someone on Fifth Avenue.
Creator and Producer of Saturday Night Live Lorne Michaels has reportedly been deported back to his native country of Canada. Mr. Michaels was seized by immigration officials early Sunday morning from his Amagansett, New York home without any forewarning.
Today McCarthy announced that she will have sex with 920 men in one day to take the world record for most sexual partners in one day. She plans to use the publicity to bring awareness to autism.