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Boris Johnson Dies in Freak Refrigerator Accident

After attempting to hide from the press, Prime Minister Boris Johnson seems to have died in a bizarre refrigerator accident.
Area transgender dog is confused about which tree to use.

Transgender Dog Unsure Which Tree To Pee On

An area dog was involved in an altercation last week on Alta Street Tweety lifted his leg to do his business and was accosted by another dog as that tree was a "male" tree.

Adult Toy Accidentally Purchased from Salvation Army

Shelly Wagner made an unfortunate discovery Monday afternoon after purchasing a sexual aid she thought was a common household tool at the Salvation Army.

Hotel Chain to Create Patriotic Gitmo Vacation Resorts

In what is being hailed as an example of 21st Century corporate and government cooperation, Marriott International has announced late Thursday that it will develop "Defense-friendly" resorts next to United States Detention facilities in and around the developing world.
Paranoia from the right wing about liberal media is growing now more than ever.

Area Man Won’t Be Baited Into Liberal Media

Local Trump supporter and protest attendee, Brandon Whosville--aged somewhere between 18-23 based on vocabulary analysis alone--publicly stated in a Facebook group that, "he wouldn't be baited into making headlines that help the left" referring of course, to the "left wing/right wing" ideology that makes up the structure of modern American politics.
Vladamir Putin and Donald Trump in their famous meeting in 2006

Donald Trump ‘Open To The Idea’ Of U.S./Russia Corporate Merger

Alleged billionaire and Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told reporters this week that he'd be open to a corporate merger between Russia and the United States should he win the election in November.
A White House staffer tells all about Covfefe.

The Shocking Secret Behind President Trump’s ‘Covfefe’ Tweet

Twitter users seized upon the egregious typographical error, drubbing the President with justified ridicule. However, according to a former Secret Service Agent who directly contacted Gish Gallop, this is no ordinary typo.
President Trump plans to continue his annual practice of shooting someone on Fifth Avenue.

Trump to Shoot Somebody on Fifth Avenue to Celebrate MLK Day

President Trump plans to continue his annual practice of shooting someone on Fifth Avenue.

Get Your Suicidal Ass Back in There

Apparently a Brazilian woman was attempting to commit suicide by jumping out of her 10th story apartment window.
The Trump Administration has denied any involvement in the deportation of SNL's Lorne Michaels.

SNL Producer Lorne Michaels Deported To Canada

Creator and Producer of Saturday Night Live Lorne Michaels has reportedly been deported back to his native country of Canada. Mr. Michaels was seized by immigration officials early Sunday morning from his Amagansett, New York home without any forewarning.
Jenny McCarthy seen here in a recent anti-vaccine event.

Jenny McCarthy To Promote Autism Awareness By Sleeping With 920 Men In One Day

Today McCarthy announced that she will have sex with 920 men in one day to take the world record for most sexual partners in one day. She plans to use the publicity to bring awareness to autism.
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