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Area Misanthrope Finds Purpose In New Home Depot Job

An area misanthrope has found his dream job at Home Depot.

Mega Mosque Planned Next to Mega Church

A new "mega mosque" is slated to open next to Twin Cities Church sometime next year, according to developers working on the project.
North Korean leader Kim Jong-un seen here in a hastily taken picture with American comedian Kathy Griffin during her 2013 "No Regrets" Asian Tour.

North Korea Leader Condemns Kathy Griffin/Trump Tweets

In a rare public statement, North Korean supreme leader Kim Jong-un condemned the recent depiction of a decapitated model of President Trump. This is only the 4th public statement by the supreme leader since he took control in 2011.

Hotel Chain to Create Patriotic Gitmo Vacation Resorts

In what is being hailed as an example of 21st Century corporate and government cooperation, Marriott International has announced late Thursday that it will develop "Defense-friendly" resorts next to United States Detention facilities in and around the developing world.
A younger, more hipster version of Colonel Sanders was spotted at the Grass Valley KFC enjoying a 3 piece meal. Source:

Colonel Sanders Found Alive in a Grass Valley KFC Enjoying a 3 Piece Meal

Even though Harland David Sanders, better known as Colonel Sanders, has been presumed dead for over 36 years, a keen local woman of 3 has snapped a picture of what appears to be a younger, hipster version of the king of fried chicken.
Artist's rendition of Amazon's "Cow in a Box" Prime Pantry offering

Amazon Prime Pantry to Ship Livestock

Amazon.com announced late Friday afternoon that it planned to use its popular "Prime Pantry" service to start shipping Livestock directly to consumers.

Confirmed: 2.5 Mile Comet to Impact Local Man’s Brain

Playing off recent reports that a super-comet is scheduled to impact Earth in the same time frame, Mr. Wolford wanted to stress to the largely disinterested and sometimes nervous crowd that this calamitous even was really about him.

First International Bullet Train To Stop Everywhere Except USA

A press release by the United Nations earlier today revealed plans for a global transportation system that runs on a high-speed railway.
Gish Gallop will charge a nominal fee each time the phrase is used.

The Phrase “you can’t make this stuff up” Copyrighted by Gish Gallop

The 92 year old Nevada County Gish Gallop has announced today that it has copyrighted the popular Internet phrase "you can't make this stuff up." According to Gish Gallop officials, there will be a small surcharge for anyone or any institution using the phrase starting January 1st, 2017
Trump spokesperson Kellyanne Conway congratulated the Atlanta Falcons on their historic win.

Kellyanne Conway Congratulates the Atlanta Falcons on their Historic Win

President Donald Trump's advisor Kellyanne Conway took to the airways following Super Bowl 51 to congratulate the Atlanta Falcons on their historic win.

Area Botox Party Goes Horribly Wrong

What started out as a girl's night out Botox party ended badly when a first time General Practitioner failed to administer the doses correctly. Although no one was hurt, many of the participants do have some facial disfigurements that will probably last a few months, after which the toxin wears off.
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