Redding, CA — The Redding, California-based Chemtrail Action Network or CAN has announced what it is calling a series of “awareness products” which the controversial activists group claims would make excellent Christmas gifts. Chief among them, is the 12,000 “micro-piece” Look-Up! Chemtrail Jigsaw Puzzle which sells for $29.95 on their website. According to its creators, it should take between 4-8 weeks to complete with properly motivated “jigsaw artists with the appropriate alternative mindset.”
“We are so excited to announce our full line of products that not only make excellent Christmas gifts for the holidays,” said CAN spokeswoman Bethany Millbright during an early morning conference call, “but also help educate family and friend naysayers about the war to control our skies with geoengineering. They’re spraying us without our consent, and our awareness products will go a long way to wake up people.”
CAN has recently come under fire from critics for a series of unprovable claims that “certain conspiracy forces” are now secretly deploying “invisible Chemtrails” as to not raise concerns from the “unwoke” populations. This, among other things, has further marginalized the once powerful “alternative thinking” group into what the New York Times recently called yet another “bastion of stupid cranks that insignificantly dot the American experience over the past 200 years.”
“We’re just the David to their Goliath,” continued Ms. Millbright her tone becoming more pitched and erratic. “I always respond and let these desperate folks know that this is a poorly written New York Times piece that obviously is so bad you couldn’t get what’s really going on here. The New York Times is very much a malicious publication that is meant to mislead readers and attack any alternative voices, being ‘news’ is only its cover. Ultimately, I point the folks in the direction of where there have been real ordinances and bills introduced to attempt to stop the geoengineering happening around us and completely without our consent.”
Ms. Millbright went on to say that this new line of Chemtrail products will show that CAN is a mainstream operation and not some fringe group as is often promoted by the “lying press.”
According to CAN, some of the other offerings in their awareness line include a Chemtrail-Shielding full-body “Snuggy”, which are manufactured in Nevada City, CA, and a Christmas-repackaging of their already popular “Chemtrail Purification” dietary supplement line of pills and liquids which promise to “cleanse and detoxify your body of many of the heavy metals you are exposed to on a daily basis.” The Snuggy retails for $49.95 and the supplements can be purchased in quantities of 100 ranging anywhere from $34.95 to $270.95 for a three-month supply.