Brooklyn Underground, New York — Today marks the 24-hour nonstop anniversary of the disappearance of 50 pre-party safety goers from the Underground Party Safety program that was thrown deep in an abandoned subway station just 4 hours before a dangerous rave party in the same location. The clandestine event was not pulled off by Brian Holesâ€”the underground party safety czar/events planner/sewer worker/ Rat statue artist known for producing unauthorized site-specific pre-illegal underground dance party safety rallies before performances and illegal events in abandoned sub-level subway stations and various dangerous Uber-cool lost worlds underneath Brooklyn’s rotting infrastructure.
At a quarter to midnight on Friday, Brian and his fellow pre-party safety “army” (“A-holes” as they like to be called) were spotted standing outside a DUMBO subway station manhole (uni-sexhole) sewer entrance, wearing neon green and pink Hazmat suits, carrying guest list clip boards, first aide kits, bottles of new product vodka, Pez ecstasy tab dispensers, and construction worker “slow” signs that said “Slow -grindz”. They were telling a small group of ten or so strangers to walk to a nearby pedestrian plaza and wait for further instructions, before attempting to party unprepared and unsafely in the upcoming secret and illegal underground party site that no one “knew” was happening yet.
A few weeks ago a preparty safety “A-hole” did not disappear 24 hours ago with Brian, as he thought the pre-party safety event was “unsafe”, received an intriguing email from Dick Moler, the underground impresario known for producing very unsafe and unauthorized site-specific theatrical performances in moving subway cars and in places where wires and broken glass provide great stimulation alongside risky sexual behavior, cliche trance music, and drugs you never heard of. In the email Moler supposedly threatened that “taking ridiculous safety precautions like that ‘A-hole’ Brian Holes wants tois bad for danger and bad for business” He added, “working on another night of illegal mischief coinciding with the disappearance of 50 ‘A-holes’ that look to put a giant condom on the party in the holef*@# that! It’s risky, get a rabies shot and bring some antibiotics but PLEASE don’t blow the lid off the fun, and don’t make us sign insurance waivers on the same paper we roll crystal on,” he warned.
The NYPD had no comment, other than to note: “It’s dangerous down there, it’s for alligators and mice, not party people, people.”