27 People Missing & Presumed Dead in Flat Earth Expedition

24 amateur flat earth researchers and 3 crew members are presumed dead.
24 amateur flat earth researchers and 3 crew members are presumed dead.

Ushuaia, Argentina — 24 flat earth researchers and 3 crew members have been out of radio contact since late last week and are presumed to be dead, Gish Gallop has learned. The team, which was composed of amateur scientists seeking to find the Earth’s edge, set out to prove the Earth is flat early last week and lost contact with their Ushuaia, Argentina command operations over the weekend.

Despite multiple attempts to contact the crew via radio, satellite telephone and via several Argentine military sortie flyovers, rescuers have been unable to find the missing boat and its passengers and are now assuming all have perished.

“We lost contact with the Able Body at zero 500 hours Friday,” said Argentine Naval commander Lautaro Santiago who is in charge of rescue operations. “Our last communication was at 1400 hours when they reported seeing a large ice wall approximately 3 kilometers due south from their position. They said they were going to approach it and attempt to dynamite their way into it to create a safe harbor. And that was the last we’ve heard from them.”

Flat Earth believers believe in an ancient, pre-rationalist view that the Earth, as the name suggests, is flat and not spherical as modern science presents it. In recent years, the “flat-earthers,” as they’re called, have gained a marginal niche mostly in Internet forums and on social media platforms such as Facebook. More often than not, flat-earthers typically espouse a fundamentalist Christian view of geographic science and back up their claims that the earth is flat by quoting the Bible.

Religion Played a Role

The expedition was chartered by the American Christian organization Christ Knows No Boundaries, which is based out of Tulsa, Oklahoma. Its organizer, Justin Forweather, started collecting names and donations four years ago for the dangerous expedition. Late last year, he had enough funds to charter a small research vehicle to the end of the Earth, as he called it.

As for the disappearance of the team, pro-flat Earth Facebook seemed nonplussed and confident about why they disappeared.




“Look,” said Flat Earth proponent Bradley McGowan in a pro-flat Earth Facebook group, “they probably just fell off the edge as I would expect them to. All we need is the Bible. It’s all right there. God’s word and promise to us. Science is certainly the tool of the evil one. It oppresses God’s loyal soldiers. It’s really that simple. The Earth is not a sphere, but rather a flat circle covered in a dome firmament, as God teaches us. I’m not sure what happened to the expedition, but I’m sure wherever they are, they’re with Jesus now.”

According to Commander Santiago, they’ll keep looking, but the rescue team has set low expectations.

“We tried to warn them about taking on such a foolish expedition,” continued commander Santiago. “Some things are better left unknown, as we say in Argentina. I would caution against any optimism at this point. They’re gone.”

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Jr.
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Jr.

The earth is a spinning globe for all who have blind trust in their government and its pet educational system. The earth is flat for all who believe that everything that comes out of NASA (Govt funded to a tune of 19+ billion p/yr) is faker than CNN’s breaking news reports.

Wefe ™
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Wefe ™

Wonderful news!

Paul Carter
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Paul Carter

probably eaten by the turtle that carries the world on it’s back lol.

Andrew Owen
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Andrew Owen

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UrSvensk
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UrSvensk

Hilarious, great stuff; “They fell of the edge as we expected”. 🙂 (you lot know how to do satire, well done)