Polish Furniture the Natural Way with Baby Drool

Have babies? Good for you. Do they drool a lot? Even better. You can use their endless supply of saliva to both polish and protect your furniture. Hold your baby by the feet upside down and allow his or her natural goo to slip out of their mouths and onto your furniture.

 

Tired of Stubborn Blackheads?

Let’s face it. You’ve tried everything under the sun to get rid of those stubborn blackheads and skin blemishes. Well, Gish Gallop is here to help with a straightforward and revolutionary treatment: baby crap. Find at least a 1/2 cup of baby poop and spread it all over your face for up to 4 hours. We recommend leaving it on for at least 2 hours. Be sure to take lots of selfies of your experience and share them on Facebook.

 

Finally a Use for That Dusty Mandoline Slicer

Here’s a tip you probably thought of when you were higher than a kite in college. You know that old Mandoline Slicer (we bet you didn’t even know how it was spelled) that you got for a wedding gift, and now you get it as a part of your divorce settlement? Well, we finally have a use for it. Instead of throwing away old shoes, put them through your slicer. It won’t make a difference in terms of recycling or any of that bullshit, but you’ll have a load of fun.

 

More Shoe Hacks

Here’s the perfect solution for old, stinky teenage sneakers. Grow edible mushrooms in them, as seen in the above picture. Think about it for a minute. Or don’t if you must. You already have a musty, fungi-filled, rotten and putrid shoe. But what to do with it? Well, throw some mushroom spores into it and Voila! Mushrooms in a few days.

 

Be this Happy Woman

Why is this 43-year-old woman so happy? Well, we’ll tell you. She’s discovered the ancient anti-aging secret for removing wrinkles from her face. How did she do it? Well, she did it with a daily treatment of male semen. That’s right, you heard it correctly. This secret was invented by a man almost 2000 years ago, and women throughout the ages have been convinced by the men in their lives to try this breakthrough skin treatment. Try it today!

 

What to Do with Your Dull Knives?

Well, we’ll tell you! So you just spent $160 on a Wusthof knife. And your dumbass teenager, despite multiple warnings not to do so, put it in the dishwasher. We know you are both proud and furious at your kid. But don’t worry, Gish Gallop has a solution for you. Simple buy another $160 Wusthof knife, and as shown here in the picture, use it to sort of get the edge back on your other $160 Wusthof knife. Now you have two dull knives! You’re welcome.