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Local Pharmacy Keeps Customers In Line with Betta Fish

Local CVS Pharmacy has a trick up its sleeve to let their customers know who's the boss: a solitary betta fish displayed prominently on the counter.
Blink 182's Tom DeLonge claims that esteemed alternative reporter Linda Moulton Howe is a reptilian.

Blink 182’s Tom DeLonge: Earth Files Linda Moulton Howe a Reptillian

Blink 182 guitarist Tom DeLonge, has discovered disturbing news about founder and alternative investigative reporter Linda Moulton Howe.

United States to Annex Parts of India/Donate Anne Hathaway

In an effort to improve high technology productivity and capitalize on the current booming economy in that sector, the Obama Administration is proposing annexing several high tech cities on the Indian subcontinent.

Donald Trump Claims He Doesn’t Know Donald Trump

In what might be a new defense strategy, President Trump claims he's never met this so-called Donald Trump person.

Conspiracy Researcher: Sedona, Arizona Doesn’t Exist

North San Juan resident, part-time chemtrail researcher and amateur ionizing radiation hobbyist Skyy Wolford announced to a somewhat disinterested crowd out in front of the Sierra Super Stop that Sedona, Arizona is an elaborate hoax and does not exist. Mr. Wolford, who was recently in the news following his landmark Wi-Fi disability settlement, has been studying what he calls "the Sedona anomaly" for the past 3 years.

6 Everyday Toothpaste Hacks That Fail to Prevent Mass Extinction

What does toothpaste and mass extinction have in common? More than you think!
Margaret Crowley of Grass Valley was hoping the new Mr. Clean Magic Eraser would fill her existential void.

The Amazing Mr. Clean Magic Eraser Fails to Prevent Existential Crisis

A creeping and gnawing feeling that something isn't right continued its steady march for the 11th consecutive year as area woman Margaret Crowley failed to find enlightenment after purchasing the amazing and revolutionary Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.

Taco Bell Introduces Controversial Cesar Chavez Salad Bowl

Taco Bell is under fire for its new line of salads.

Several Dead After a Good Guy With a Gun Sleeps In

Wilburn Marvin accidentally overslept this morning, missing his chance to save hundreds of people from an active shooter situation.
New Sesame Street Transgender Character Rabbit Brunny. via wikicommons Pimvantend

Sesame Street Announces New Transgender Character

The Sesame Workshop, formerly known as the Children's Television Workshop, announced that its flagship program Sesame Street will feature its first transgender character for the 2019 season.
California government officials haven't decided what to do with recently registered to vote furniture.

California DMV Accidentally Registers Several Comfy Sofas to Vote

California government officials haven't decided what to do with recently registered to vote furniture.
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