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Donald Trump has nominated controversial conspiracy theorist Alex Jones for Press Secretary

Alex Jones Offered White House Press Secretary Position

In what is a surprise and controversial development for some, and a welcomed addition to others, President Donald Trump has nominated alt-right conspiracy theorist Alex Jones for White House Press Secretary, replacing Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
Clem O'Connor wants Taco Bells in Tennessee shut down.

Tennessee Shutters Taco Bells For “Being Too Mexican”

A Tennessee Republican is asking that all Taco Bells be shut down for being too Mexican. Clem O'Connor of Hazard, TN says he's "not racist at all" but that he "just know[s] that you can't have a huge welfare state and let any Tom, Dick or Jose in the country."
Frito-Lay brand snacks has declared their trial run of Ghost Pepper Challenge Cheetos a success.

Ghost Pepper Challenge Cheetos Promise “Ass Fire Hot” Experience

The makers of the popular Cheetos brand cheese snack Frito Lays announced that trial runs of it Ghost Pepper Challenge version of the snack food has been a massive success.

Concerns Grow For State of Paltrow’s Vagina

The Hamptons, NY - Friends and relatives have voiced their concerns after celebrity icon Gwyneth Paltrow was rushed to hospital for the third time this week, amid...
Area Senior Can't Stop Computer From Printing

Area Senior Citizen Can’t Stop Computer From Printing

 Reynaldo M. Rodriguez's printer has stopped working correctly. Mr. Rodriguez prints "every god-damned email" he gets because he's afraid he'll lose it.

Persistent Volunteer Kills Town’s Can-Do Spirit

A local woman's chronic volunteerism is being blamed by townsfolk for robbing them of their initiative and dulling their once notable can-do spirit.

Trimmigrant’s Skinny Jeans Leads to Hospitalization

It is that time of year when hundreds of migrant workers descend on Nevada County for the marijuana harvest, they are known to locals as "trimmigrants".  
Joey Gibson, leader of the alt-right Patriot Prayer group says he's afraid of gay DJs.

San Francisco Alt-Right Protest Canceled Due to Fears over Gay Activist DJs

 The leader of a right-wing group that had planned a Saturday rally at Crissy Field in San Francisco said Friday he had decided to call off the event due to fears of what organizers called "militant gay DJs."

Shake Weight Gold Medalist Dies Of Heart Attack

USA Olympic Shake-Weight Gold Medalist, Tanya Homes died of a heart attack during a practice.  Her coach, infamous bean-counting champion runner-up, James Bellamy was on scene during the tragedy and was the first responder to call 911.
President Trump might "pre-pardon" himself.

President Trump Considering Pre-Pardoning Himself

According to unnamed White House officials, President Donald Trump is mulling the possibility of pre-pardoning himself of any criminal wrong-doing in the current investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 election.

Kid’s All Night Soda Bender Leads to Groin Punching on Camping Trip

A local family learned the hard way that a steady diet of soda pop and potato chips can have a direct impact on the groin health of fellow camp-mates.
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