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Donald Trump has nominated controversial conspiracy theorist Alex Jones for Press Secretary

Alex Jones Offered White House Press Secretary Position

In what is a surprise and controversial development for some, and a welcomed addition to others, President Donald Trump has nominated alt-right conspiracy theorist Alex Jones for White House Press Secretary, replacing Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
Clem O'Connor wants Taco Bells in Tennessee shut down.

Tennessee Shutters Taco Bells For “Being Too Mexican”

A Tennessee Republican is asking that all Taco Bells be shut down for being too Mexican. Clem O'Connor of Hazard, TN says he's "not racist at all" but that he "just know[s] that you can't have a huge welfare state and let any Tom, Dick or Jose in the country."
Frito-Lay brand snacks has declared their trial run of Ghost Pepper Challenge Cheetos a success.

Ghost Pepper Challenge Cheetos Promise “Ass Fire Hot” Experience

The makers of the popular Cheetos brand cheese snack Frito Lays announced that trial runs of it Ghost Pepper Challenge version of the snack food has been a massive success.

Concerns Grow For State of Paltrow’s Vagina

The Hamptons, NY - Friends and relatives have voiced their concerns after celebrity icon Gwyneth Paltrow was rushed to hospital for the third time this week, amid...
Area Senior Can't Stop Computer From Printing

Area Senior Citizen Can’t Stop Computer From Printing

 Reynaldo M. Rodriguez's printer has stopped working correctly. Mr. Rodriguez prints "every god-damned email" he gets because he's afraid he'll lose it.
A year-long study suggests that Trump supporters have smaller penises.

Report: Trump Supporters Have Penises 2 Inches Smaller than Nationwide Average

A year-long study by the Palo Alto, CA-based Rundex Family Foundation has revealed that male Donald Trump supporters have, on average, a penis that is 2 inches shorter than non-Trump supporters.
One of the first prototypes of the new "Burning Person" to be featured at next year's festival.

Burning Man Renamed Burning Person

In a move that many on the right have called ‘long overdue’, the Burning Man Festival will be officially changing its name to the Burning Person Festival in solidarity with the modern social justice movement and gender rights.
Presidentially pardoned former Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Maricopa County, AZ says no one should have to live like this, except illegal immigrants.

Sheriff Joe Arpaio Recalls “Hideous” Conditions in Prison

Following his pardon by "Law and Order" President Trump late this week, controversial Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio recounted the "horrible" conditions he faced while being incarcerated at an area jail.
It seems ISIS and Donald Trump have one thing in common.

ISIS, Taliban Issue Joint Statement Supporting Trump’s Transgender Military Ban

ISIS, in conjunction with the Taliban in Afghanistan, have issued a joint press release this morning, commending President Donald Trump’s anti-transgender military policy.
Fake Donald Trump, Jr., son of Republican President Donald Trump

President Trump Calls Donald Trump Jr. ‘Fake News’

This morning, as temporary President Donald Trump was leaving the White House to go and pick up some beef jerky, coffee, doughnuts, hot dogs, ice cream, deep fried Oreos, and McDonald’s for himself for breakfast.
At a rally supporting Trump's infrastructure plans, the President outlined his desire to convert America to the metric system.

Donald Trump: I Will Make America Metric Again

Donald Trump announced to a crowd of over 12,000 people at an Ohio rally that as a part of his new infrastructure plan, he will sign an executive action which will include a plan to convert America's ancient imperial measures and units to the metric system.
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