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Study: IPA Drinkers More Likely To Be Assholes

The study had some surprising, and not so surprising findings.
CIA director John Brennan can't figure out who to help.

Intelligence Agencies Unable to Find Moderate Republican to Aid

Officials from the National Security Agency (NSA), Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), and Department of Defense (DoD) have admitted that their efforts to identify a moderate Republican to aid have yet to bear fruit.

Local Researcher: Gold Coast, Queensland Doesn’t Exist

North San Juan resident, part-time chemtrail researcher and amateur ionizing radiation hobbyist Skyy Wolford announced to a somewhat disinterested crowd out in front of the Sierra Super Stop that the Australian resort city of Gold Coast is an elaborate hoax and does not exist.
Recent South Carolina transplant and former California contractor Frank S. Arce, III said he's "had it with his smart-ass friends and is finally going to do something about it."

South Carolina Man Knits ‘Dickhead’ Hats for Facebook Friends

Recent South Carolina transplant and former California contractor Frank S. Arce, III said he's "had it with his smart-ass friends and is finally going to do something about it."
Amanda Hyman is upset by the lack of transgenders in the Trans-Siberian Orchestra.

Area Non-Binary Social Justice Warrior Disillusioned by Trans-Siberian Orchestra

New York City's Amanda Hyman, a self-proclaimed, non-binary Social Justice Warrior, is upset by the lack of actual transgender people in the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. She wants them to take 'Trans' out of their name.
French Existentialists Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir were removed from an area Ross Dress for Less after Mr. Sartre refused to extinguish his cigarette.

Existentialists Booted from Area Discount Clothing Store for Smoking

French Existentialists Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir where removed from an area Ross Dress for Less clothing store when Mr. Sartre ignored numerous requests to stop smoking.
Traveling meat salesman Paul Sieben got his ass handed to him in Grass Valley, CA.

Traveling Meat Salesman Harasses Grass Valley Neighborhood

Traveling meat salesman Paul Sieben got a negative earful on Wednesday when he unsuccessfully went door-to-door attempting to get the residents of Rhode Island Street to buy his meat products. Mr. Sieben, who works for the Consolidated Meat Distributors, LLC has been selling meat out of the back of his Ford Taurus for over 12 years and recently decided to try the Nevada County territory.
Fake Donald Trump, Jr., son of Republican President Donald Trump

President Trump Calls Donald Trump Jr. ‘Fake News’

This morning, as temporary President Donald Trump was leaving the White House to go and pick up some beef jerky, coffee, doughnuts, hot dogs, ice cream, deep fried Oreos, and McDonald’s for himself for breakfast.
President Obama is running out of time to confiscate the guns he wants to.

Obama: Running Out of Time To Confiscate All Guns

President Barack H. Obama is growing increasingly concerned that there simply isn't enough time left in his presidency to confiscate all the guns in America.

PHOTOS: UN Military Caravan Seen in California

A Redding man has sent Gish Gallop exclusive photos of a UN caravan consisting of of bullet-proof, urban assault MRAP-type (Mine-Resistant Ambush Protected) vehicles.
Donald Trump maintains that Ted Cruz's Wife Heidi is a former call girl.

Donald Trump Bombshell: Ted Cruz’s Wife Former Call Girl

This morning, through Twitter, Donald Trump spilled the beans, as promised, about his opponent, Lyin’ Ted Cruz’ wife, Heidi. In a Skype interview with Donald Trump this morning, Gish Gallop was able to get some clarification in this new aspect of the Trump, Cruz feud.
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