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From a secret Kenyan hideout or his favorite vacation spot in his home state of Hawaii, former President Obama deployed several Jade Helm squads to aid in hurricane relief.

Obama Deploys Jade Helm Unit for Texas Cleanup and Rescue Operations

Deep within a bunker miles below the surface of the Earth, former President Barack Hussein Obama has been closely monitoring the devastation and impact of Hurricane Harvey on the American Gulf Coast.

Water Runs into the Ocean, Trump Points Out

President Trump gave a concerning and rambling speech about water and Iran during a press conference about a $16 billion farm bail-out package.
Ponce de León Fountain of Youth has been found outside of Orlando, FL. And it's a fluoride spring and a highway retention pond.

Florida Researchers Discover World’s First Natural Fluoride Spring

A team of University of Florida researchers led by esteemed Bio-Archaeologist Dr. Mark Todd Davis have discovered what they believe is the world's first and only natural fluoride spring out side the Orlando city limits.
Controversial Houston-based evangelical preacher Joel Olsteen had to apologize for what he claims was an accidental vulgarity.

Joel Osteen Apologizes For Saying “Balls Deep” During Radio Show

Controversial Houston-based evangelical preacher Joel Osteen had to apologize for what he claims was an accidental vulgarity.
Jerry Heard of Truckee, CA is in a funk because he hasn't lived up to the promises of his underarm deodorant.

Area Man Fails to Live Up to the Promises of His Deodorant

A Truckee man has sunk into a deep depression after realizing that his underarm deodorant failed to create the manliness he was looking for. 31-year-old Jerry Heard came to this discovery after his trust Old Spice "Swagger"  didn't actually produce any actual swagger in his life.

Misc. Crap for Sale in Cedar Ridge

Really just a bunch of crap to put with your existing crap

“Red Dog Jane” Ghost Spotted on Highway 20

The circumstances behind Janie H. Barnes' 1941 death are still a mystery. According to scant police records, Ms. Barnes was apparently walking alone towards Truckee during the early morning hours of September 6th, 1941 on what is now Highway 20.
President Trump informed his press secretary that he plans on adding his bone spurs to the Vietnam Memorial.

Trump To Add His Bone Spurs To Vietnam War Memorial

High above the Pacific Ocean, on his way back to Washington, D.C., President Donald J. Trump pulled aside White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham and had her take down some dictation.
Report: Trump's Secret "Bomb Them With Bacon" Campaign Fails to Stop ISIS

Report: Trump’s Secret “Bomb Them With Bacon” Campaign Fails to Stop ISIS

A secret executive order from president Trump which instructed the military to "bomb ISIS with bacon" has been deemed a colossal failure by central military command.

VA Creates Death Squads To Lower Healthcare Costs

The Veterans Administration or the VA takes care of medical needs of millions of veterans each year, many who have sustained injuries in combat. At a time when budgets are shrinking, VA costs are adding up at alarming rates.
A Canadian on his way to work. Not a pussy.

As Polar Vortex Swoops In, Canadians Call Americans “A Bag of Pussies”

As much of heartland America and the Eastern Seaboard prepares for "dangerously cold arctic air" from what is known as the Arctic Polar Vortex, many Canadians are simply calling this "winter." As blasts of cold air descend as far as the Southern United States, most Canadians scratch their heads with America's panic.
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