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500 Rushed To Hospitals After Attending Trump Rally

Local hospitals in the Canton area have been inundated with patients approximately one hour after the Trump rally.
Congressman Doug LaMalfa seen here enjoying is SNAP-purchased turkey hot dog.

House Republican Doug LaMalfa to Seek Food Stamps

California District 1 Republican Doug LaMalfa apparently has had a change of heart on his relatively recent vote to cut USDA Food Stamp funding after it was revealed that he has applied for the program.
“Ouch! That hurt! Get her fucking foot out of my ass,” Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) could be heard.

Doctors Rushing to Remove Sally Yates’ Foot from Ted Cruz’s Rectum

After a contentious exchange during a hearing of the Senate Judiciary Committee, first responders and D.C. Metro Police are confirming that medical crews are hurriedly trying to remove former Acting Attorney General Sally Yates' foot from the rectum of a sitting though at the moment rather uncomfortably U.S. Senator.
Kraft Foods Heinz has announced a meat version of their popular Velveeta processed food product.

Velveeta Pilots New Line of Meat

The meat product, which is called Velmeata, is said to have a shelf life of almost 47 years and requires no refrigeration, according to company officials.
61% of registered Republicans would have no problem with an ISIS terrorist attack on an abortion clinic.

Study: 61% of Trump Supporters Favor ISIS Attacks on Abortion Clinics

A new study has found that as many of 61% of registered Republicans think that an ISIS attack on an abortion clinic would be "OK."
Could a nuclear war with North Korea lead to a nuclear war?

Trump Official: Nuclear War with North Korea May Lead to Nuclear War

According to Assistant to the Secretary of Defense for Intelligence Oversight Michael T. Mahar, a nuclear war with North Korea may lead to nuclear war.
Although most people knew John Denver for his bucolic songs about nature and love, his past was dark and full of despair.

John Denver: The Untold Story of a Vietnam Sniper

During the 1970s he was arguably the most popular performer in the United State and exported his unique brand of optimism around the globe. But few know of his darker past, which the talented bard fought an internal battle for the rest of his life.
The working person's hero Mike Rowe is filing for disability.

Dirty Jobs Mike Rowe Files For Disability

Mike Rowe is beloved by many for his great insight on current events and on his television show Dirty Jobs, where he seeks out those jobs that many of us would not do.
According to Donald Trump, this new slogan means 3 things.

Donald Trump Debuts ‘Make Earth Flat Again’ Slogan

Billionaire reality-TV mogul and presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald J. Trump unveiled a new campaign slogan today which he said is "reflexive of pivoting to the generalization election in November" as well as a signal to conservatives his "foreign policy will be the bestest, yoogest, most spectacular foreign policy ever."
White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest demonstrating Haiku to the Press.

National Security Agency to Issue Press Releases in Haiku

In a surprise announcement, the National Security Agency or NSA will conduct and publish all Press Releases in Haiku according to Deputy NSA for Strategic Communications Ben Rhodes. The move appears to be an effort to make the oft-criticized security agency look hip, modern and less onerous with regards to personal liberty.
Children need to become familiar and comfortable working in a 24-hour warehouse environment.

Amazon Announces Voucher-based K-12 School to be Integrated Into Warehouse Operations

In a move to appease the Trump administration's voucher education system, Jeff Bezos announced a plan to integrate K-12 schooling into warehouse operations.
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