Washington D.C. — Congressional Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff revealed to one of his staffers that Ukrainian women, children, and sometimes soldiers “make for the best bullet shields” from Russian bullets. The comments came after the Intelligence committee wrapped up its testimony a week ago.

The comments, which were overheard by another GOP staffer, were then conveyed to various conservative media outlets which pounced on, in the words of Fox News host Sean Hannity, “Schiff’s wreckless hatred of all things President Trump.”

Although Mr. Schiff is a favorite target of conservative pundits, the California Congressman has come under fire mostly from leftwing progressive groups who have revealed that his campaign has excepted sizable donations from the arms industry.

His most substantial donations have come from Northrup Grumman and Raytheon, the latter the maker of the Javelin anti-tank missile system, which was at the center of the Ukrainian arms scandal. Donations from arms manufacturers accounted for over one-sixth of his Schiff’s total contributions.



And not one for forgetting to stick his foot firmly in his mouth ironically, vocal Republican blowhorn Representative Jim Jordan, seized the opportunity to bash both Schiff and military in one sentence during an extended spittle-filled rant at the Judicial Committee hearings earlier this week.

“The real criminal here is Adam Schiff,” said the unkempt Ohio congressman. “Because our tax dollars shouldn’t be used to prop up a corrupt government. Take the Saudis, for example. They have what’s best in mind. The Ukrainians hate Trump like the Democrats do.”

Mr. Schiff’s high-profile arms manufacturer donors have raised ethical questions not only about his earnest desire to sell, in the form of loans, weapons to the Ukrainians, but also using Mr. Trump’s holding of Congressionally-approved funds as leverage against his enemies.

When asked for comment, a spokesperson for Mr. Schiff declined.