Seattle, WA — The world’s largest retailer announced that it plans on selling an abortion aimed at the growing do-it-yourself home market. This new product, called Prime Abortion, will be available later this month in the North American market1 and later this year in the European Union2.

“Amazon is thrilled to be offering a safe and cost-effective way for women to have abortions in the comfort of their homes,” said Amazon.com spokesperson Bethany Millbright. “It’s just another way Amazon is adding value to the world economy.”

According to the Amazon product page for Prime Abortion, the kit will be available for free 2-day shipping and will cost $59.95 for the first kit, and $29.95 for subsequent purchases. And in a bizarre marketing move, Amazon is offering a free 1 month trial to its popular Amazon Prime service for new abortion customers.

The retail innovation is not without its critics. Liberty University president and Christian evangelical Jerry Falwell, Jr. promised to extend his call for a temporary Amazon.com ban into a permanent one if the retailer insists on proceeding with its home abortion kit.

Religious Conservatives Speak Out

Last year, the controversial spokesperson for the American religious right called for a boycott of Amazon.com after the retail giant refused to remove 1988 on-demand video The Last Temptation of Christ.

“I can’t stand by and watch this godless company murder the unborn,” said Mr. Falwell in a memo released by Liberty University. “First it was that horrible film that mocked our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, then it was all the homosexual-themed pornography, now its the open and wanton killing of the innocent. I don’t care if they can deliver in two days. So I’m calling on all followers of Christ to not allow any Amazon products into their homes.”

When reached for comment, Ms. Millbright said she was unaware of Mr. Falwell’s comments, but was quick to note that Amazon stopped shipping product to Alabama and a couple of other states last year after its drivers were threatened by “mobs of really stupid people.”

Amazon.com CEO Jeff Bezos is planning on running a full-page advertisement in his Washington Post all next week celebrating this breakthrough in women’s health. And California Governor Gavin Newsom has promised to buy 2 million Prime Abortion units, making them freely available to low-income women in his state.

1 Not available in Georgia, Alabama, Arkansas and, as a precaution, Mississippi. For ages 12 and up
2 Including Scotland, but excluding Ireland.

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