Amazon Announces Voucher-based K-12 School to be Integrated Into Warehouse Operations

Children need to become familiar and comfortable working in a 24-hour warehouse environment.
Children need to become familiar and comfortable working in a 24-hour warehouse environment.

Seattle, WA — In a move to appease the Trump administration’s voucher education system, Jeff Bezos announced a plan to integrate K-12 schooling into warehouse operations.

“It will be essential for the next generation of working Americans to be comfortable in a fast paced productive environment.” He also hinted about the possibility of 4-ten hour shifts for the students, an option embraced by late working parents and future employers.

The integration plan includes an Amazon Fire tablet for all students and daily labor education training. This would include learning vital skills such as order retrieval, inventory counting, and hand packaging. Students would also become accustomed to working alongside many of Amazon’s 45,000 robots. As robots continue to become common in the workplace this is a needed requirement for education.

In an effort to ease international trade tensions there would be a foreign exchange student program with Foxconn Technology Group. This would allow deserving students to spend time in the manufacturing environment abroad in locations such as Shenzhen, China where the iPhone is assembled. Young Foxconn workers would in turn be afforded the opportunity to spend time at an Amazon warehouse.

Trump’s plan is to take the twenty billion dollars in education funding and give it to states as block grants and in turn the states could then provide vouchers to students. This would allow parents to place their children in the school of their choice even if that school was private or religious. This move by Amazon is in direct support of the newly proposed voucher education system.

Some analysts believe this is Jeff Bezos’ way of saying he’s sorry for offering to send Trump into Space. It is believed that Bezos was fearing a loss of several tax exempt statuses and it appeared that Trump was gaining the upper hand. Perhaps a new partnership between these world giants is in the works.

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Larry Ryder grew up in the upstate town of Saratoga Springs, New York. As a young boy he enjoyed licking the cream cheese off of bagels and throwing the remains at tourists. His father worked at the Naval Nuclear Base close by in Balston Spa. He snuck young Larry onto the base one day so Larry could press his face up to the viewing window for the reactor. This ignited Larry's interest in Nuclear Physics and after taking apart old smoke detectors to build a decay reactor he received a full scholarship to MIT where he received his Masters Degree in Nuclear Physics. Devoted to his job and wife Darleen, his world was shattered when she died after being folded up in a IKEA futon while taking a short nap induced by a large dose of mashed potatoes and meatballs. Completely devasted he quit his high paying job at 3 Mile Island shortly before the meltdown. All of his savings went into the purchase of an ice cream truck and customizations by a Los Angeles low rider shop. He can be now seen cruising the back streets of North San Juan selling his patented "Hempsicles" and nitrogen cooled "Trippin Dots". His reporting career started one fateful day when he started talking to fish down at the Middle Fork of the Yuba River. The fish promised him riches and maybe some friends if he started reporting the truth as he saw it. Larry and the fish ended up taking a trip upstream where they took turns riding down the Falls. Larry was most amused with the fish and decided to start his career as a freestyle reporter. Larry enjoys long walks in the Diggins and walking his imaginary dog, Freedo. He is currently single but still emotionally tender from his wife's death.
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