Amendment to California SB277 to Inject Patriotism into Anti-Vaxxers

This is how the California Government plans on injecting patriotism into citizens.
This is how the California Government plans on injecting patriotism into citizens.

Sacramento, CA —  Following what appears to be an implosion of the repeal California SB277 movement, two California State Senators plan on introducing legislation to add additional provisions to the controversial “personal belief exemption.” According to a draft version of the amendment, vaccinations  will also forcibly “inject some old-fashioned American patriotism” specifically into anti-vaxxers.

“We shouldn’t wait for more children to sicken or die before we act,” Sen. Richard Pan, a Sacramento Democrat who is also a pediatrician, said at a Wednesday news conference. “Parents are letting us know our current laws are insufficient to protect their kids and engender them with the kind of ‘Murica this country needs.”

Pan is sponsoring the legislation with Sen. Ben Allen, D-Redondo Beach. Even Governor Brown has reversed his pandering “parent’s choice” position from two years ago.

“The governor believes that vaccinations are profoundly important and a major public health benefit and any bill that reaches his desk will be immediately signed,” said Evan Westrup, Brown’s spokesman. “And we need to get America into the veins of Californians forcibly.”

The recent measles outbreak is largely seen as a “tipping point” for legislators and the general public who believe that the vast majority of people who claim religious exemptions, are full of shit.

“I find it amazing how some people who would normally be pagan or atheists suddenly find themselves stricken with the Spirit of Jesus Christ for one day,” said Janet Williams of Cedar Ridge.

Exemptions are still going to be allowed for medical conditions, which will probably lead a rise in the bullshit medical exemption market. Fortunately for many California jurisdictions, many Medical Marijuana doctors have a lot of practice writing bullshit prescriptions.

“This is not an issue,” said a popular Nevada County ‘Script’ doctor who asked to remain anonymous. “This will be a booming business for me. I’ll charge a flat rate and write ‘shoulder pain’ medical marijuana scripts and medical vaccines exemptions at the same time.”

Local reaction from Nevada County citizens was predictable.

“There are those who willingly accept ANY form of tyranny,” said Jake Zillevich in an incoherent and spittle-filled rant. “As long as it is their team committing the atrocities, and then there are those who recognize tyranny no matter who wields the pen, or the sword. Some people remain willingly myopic, others see the bigger picture. There is no sense in arguing with lock-n-step ideologues.

Given the recent proposal by President Obama to open “leper-like” camps for people who refuse to vaccinate, this proposed legislation will undoubtedly pass the Democrat controlled California legislature.

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