Grass Valley, CA — An area woman frantically raved all over social media about there being no line at the Grass Valley Starbucks earlier this morning.
“So there I was, running late from my morning jazzercise workout, boy we went hard today,” said a frantic Janet Williams of Cedar Ridge. “I went to get my morning Triple, Venti, Half Sweet, Non-Fat, Caramel Macchiato at Starbucks and there was absolutely no line at the drive thru!”
The look on (character) s face was that of an expectant comedian awaiting reaction from the audience.
“I mean c’mon how many times does that happen in a lifetime? Like never. There must be something going on that we don’t know about.”
Gish Gallop found this odd and immediately went to work researching this omen. Local chemtrail researcher Skyy Wolford immediately attributed this to the constant chemtrail bombardment we have undergone lately.
“Obviously the government has modified their chemtrail ingredients in hopes of destroying our desire for overpriced fancy named coffee drinks!” Said North San Juan resident and Skyy Wolford who began to trail off and we had to focus his attention. “I find this unnerving especially since Starbucks is soon to start selling alcoholic drinks! Perhaps they want us to start only buying their fancy named, overpriced alcoholic beverages? Think about it.”
Gish Gallop ventured inside the local Starbucks to discuss this new story angle with the employees, however none wanted to speak to us on the record. However one grabbed our Gish Gallop correspondent and dragged him into the restroom.
“There’s this rumor going around that our coffee drinks ward-off the effects of chemtrails,” said the secretive informant. “I know it sounds crazy, but it’s similar to how people think having sex with a virgin can cure HIV. Anyhow, after the liquor license went up, people changed their minds and business has dropped off. I have no idea how these two things are connected, but I think it has something to do with Corp’s plans to manufacture its own customers. You know, the dridiots.”