Ancient Egyptian Discovery a Great Disappointment

egypt non-sense2
“Look at this, this is a drawing of what some lady ate for dinner. Not a dignitary or queen,” said archaeologist Peter North.

Cairo, Egypt — Archaeologists working near the site of the Library of Alexandria in Egypt, famed cultural center of the ancient world, uncovered a massive trove of parchments, scrolls, and manuscripts this week, calling it, “the single greatest Anthropological disappointment in history.”

Head Archaeologist Samantha Curtis described the find with dismay.

“For 2,000 years scholars have mourned the loss of what was considered the apex of ancient philosophy. We imagined what the best and brightest of Ancient Athens thought, what cultural secrets of Carthage were hidden away and then lost. But this is–this is crap,” she said, flinging a cracked parchment across the room.

Indeed, archaeologists from at least eight countries have descended on the Egyptian dig site in recent days, eager to plumb the archives of cultures long past, only to leave in disgust.

“Look at this,” frowned Professor Peter North of Burbank State University, holding up a tattered scroll, “this is a drawing of what some lady ate for dinner. Not a dignitary or queen, not even on her birthday, it’s just a picture of her food. Who the hell would record this? And why are there so many drawings of cats?”

The findings were just plain uninteresting and boring.
The findings were just plain dull. Seen here, eating utensils.

A more thorough examination of the thousands of documents is underway, however the overwhelming majority so far have been meaningless scribbles detailing the mundane lives of what appear to be the most average dolts in the ancient Mediterranean world. Scholars are trying to stay optimistic, but have given up hope of finding anything more than mildly engaging.

Professor North further described their findings so far.

“The best we’ve come across is a few poignant observations and a couple wry jokes that got some chuckles. I just can’t believe this is what people thought to record and leave behind for later generations to find. I mean, there’s barely an original or coherent thought in the entire lot.” He shook his head, frowning at his boots. “What a bunch of assholes.”

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Jon Reremy, PhD
When Jon was a little bitty baby his mama would rock him in the cradle in the old cotton fields where he's from. Growing up in the deep south, he learned to take a punch, a skill he carries with him to this day and looks to pass on to future generations of Reremies. After the tragic monster truck accident that claimed the life of his latest wife, all pending charges were dropped, leaving Jon to pursue his dream of marrying someone younger, hotter, and dirtier. As his hunt continues, Jon lurks around the local junior college, where he hopes to earn his doctorate by attending several classes a month, that he may one day stop lying about having one. When he's not studying or leching, Jon maintains an active television-viewing schedule. On the rare occasion inspiration strikes, he strikes back.
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