Anti-Hillary Group Wishes Wives Would “Let It Go”

David Moses of Penn Valley, CA is angry his wife won't let go of the past.
David Moses of Penn Valley, CA is angry his wife won’t let go of the past.

Penn Valley, CA — In a recent meeting, the local chapter of the anti-Hillary Clinton group “All Against Hillary,” or AllAH, spent the majority of time complaining about their wives’ inability to stop dredging up past problems.

“I’m trying to get stuff done last weekend and my wife comes up and starts yelling about the time I talked to my ex at a pool hall. That was years ago!” Bemoaned AllAH co-founder and Jack Shrader. “I wish she’d just let sleeping dogs lie,” he muttered as he absent-mindedly peeled a ‘Lewinsky for Anyone But Hillary’ bumper sticker on his lap. “It’s like I have to pay for an old mistake every time she remembers it.”

Another member was more aggressive about it.

“My wife won’t let go of the past,” complained David Moses of Penn Valley, CA. “She keeps bringing up things I never even did! Like this old girlfriend she’s convinced I contacted online, even after she went through my computer and found nothing. And what if I did talk to an ex? It’s not like I killed someone, like Hillary killed Vince Foster.”

Wives of AllAH members were overwhelmingly inarticulate when asked about their strong animosity toward their husbands, though they were quick to take offense at any questions not carefully worded to avoid making them seem hidebound and shrewish.

Ms. Martha Shrader defended her suspicious and negative nature, saying, “Jack likes to think that just because he’s weaseled out of my dozens of accusations, they’re paranoid, baseless, and malicious. Well he can’t trick me. I know that man, and no one is accused of that many things without being guilty of at least some of them.”

Ms. Hannah Moses was offended by the implication of sexism.

“That bastard is up to no good I swear it. And I’m not saying that because he’s a man. I respect men, I’m friends with a bunch of men. Sexism is wrong. But there’s something about my husband that won’t let me trust him. I think he’s a liar and a son of a bitch, and I don’t mind saying so.”

While none of the women interviewed could prove any wrongdoing, all seemed more suspicious after each false accusation. And though their repeated accusations were, according to friends and neighbors, hurting them as much as their husbands, they pledged to “stay the course” and criticized what they saw as rampant political correctness.

“We have the right to free speech,” clamored Ms. Moses. “Just because something happened over 20 years ago, or didn’t happen at all, doesn’t mean I can’t piss and moan about it to make my husband look like an asshole.”

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Jon Reremy, PhD
When Jon was a little bitty baby his mama would rock him in the cradle in the old cotton fields where he's from. Growing up in the deep south, he learned to take a punch, a skill he carries with him to this day and looks to pass on to future generations of Reremies. After the tragic monster truck accident that claimed the life of his latest wife, all pending charges were dropped, leaving Jon to pursue his dream of marrying someone younger, hotter, and dirtier. As his hunt continues, Jon lurks around the local junior college, where he hopes to earn his doctorate by attending several classes a month, that he may one day stop lying about having one. When he's not studying or leching, Jon maintains an active television-viewing schedule. On the rare occasion inspiration strikes, he strikes back.
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