Apple’s New Product to Alert Users of New Apple Products

Apple CEO Tim Cook is excited about Apple Products that alert users of new Apple Products.
Apple CEO Tim Cook is excited about Apple Products that alert users of new Apple Products.

On location in Cupertino, CA Ahead of Apple’s press event today, Gish Gallop has learned that its new wearable product has a feature that will alert users of new Apple products. The feature/app will be built into every new iPhone whether the user wants it or not. It can not be disabled or removed.

“This is our most exciting feature to date,” said Apple CEO Tim Cook. “Now we can let our customers know of the latest Apple products they can add to their collection.”

According to technology insiders, wearable device tracks both Apple product releases and the average disposable income factored over 3 months time of its “wearer.” Then, at the appropriate time, the device alerts the “wearer” that they have enough money to purchase the new Apple product.

“This is fantastic news for us Apple fans,” said an enthusiastic Stacy Grant of Nevada City via a telephone interview. “Now that Apple will monitor my heart rate and my bank account for me, it will free up more time for the things I like to do, like play Candy Crush.”

Apple’s new product aims to dominate the “Internet of Things,” which is a loose term for devices that are connected to the Internet that go beyond Machine-to-Machine communication. “Smart Objects,” such as watches, thermostats and rectal thermometers are forms of these new devices.

“I don’t like this one bit,” said a cynical Thomas Kevlin of North San Juan. “It seems to me that we need real connections with each other, not connections mediated by technology.”

Gish Gallop will add details as we find out more information.

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