Orlando, FL — For the second time in a week, tragedy struck Orlando. A small boy was injured by an alligator near a pond at Disney World. The entire community is in shock. The alligator is accused of shooting the boy with an AR-15 rifle at point-blank range, then pulling the boy into the water where he has yet to be found.

Authorities are struggling to figure out how the alligator acquired the rifle since alligators are prohibited from owning firearms in the state of Florida. The alligator who police have identified as Jeremiah Croc has no criminal record and appears to have purchased the weapon legally with a background check. Police do not believe race to be a factor in why the attack happened.

Gish Gallop spoke with anti-gun activist Simone Devra about the shooting.

“It is this type of failure in the system that makes this tragedy worse,” said Simone. “Who the hell sells a gun to an alligator!”

The authorities are also trying to understand exactly how an alligator could fire the rifle. They have contacted scientists from the University of Florida to investigate.

Dr. Micah Simpson is the lead scientist investigating the shooting. He gave a brief interview to Gish Gallop.

“Alligators are evolutionary marvels. They have survived for tens of thousands of years”, said Dr. Simpson. “So it would not surprise me to see them taking the next step and growing opposable thumbs or some such thing.”

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Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.