[With contributions from Gish Gallop writer Mike Tesh]
Grass Valley, CA — Local child entertainment specialist and owner of Big Giggles Bounce Houses Jerry Dodge is really serious about security. He is also concerned about domestic terrorism given the recent ISIS training camps discovered in nearby Malakoff Diggins State Park. To that end, Mr. Dodge has hired an off-duty TSA officer to inspect, guard and where necessary, confiscate any items that a terrorist might use to harm the joy of one of his bounce houses.
“I’ve done this a long time,” said Mr. Dodge outside his McKnight Way warehouse. “And I’m a stickler for making sure kids and parents follow the rules. And the last thing we need is an ISIS terrorist entering a bounce house and, well, you know.”
According to his wife Vicky, who manages the business part of Big Giggles Bounce Houses, Jerry is a real patriot and talks often about securing our borders from “the Muslim problem.”
“I know it may seem like Jerry is over the top,” said Ms. Dodge, “but he’s got our best interests at heart. Ever since he hired Charlie [the TSA officer] to conduct security audits and searches, we haven’t had a single terrorist attack in or around any of our bounce houses.”
According to parents who have participated in one of the Big Giggles Bounce Houses, Charles “Charlie” Banks does full pat-downs of each child before they enter the house. After he has the children remove their shoes and any sharp objects, he turns to the parents and asks them to remove their shoes for no apparent reason.
“I told him ‘I’m no terrorist,'” said a Nevada City man who chose to remain anonymous. “I wasn’t even going into the bounce house. At which point he instructed me to start stripping and that I was going to have a full body cavity search. So I just took my two kids and left.”
Gish Gallop spoke with Mr. Banks for his take on the increased security around the bounce houses.
“We got kids in there, man,” said a confident Mr. Banks adjusting his belt. “We’re not taking any chances. And since I’ve been on the job, not one attack. I think my record speaks for itself.”