Area Chemtrail Activist to Collect & Test Toenail Clippings

Saihra Ramun is getting to the bottom of this chemtrail thing.

Nevada City, CA — Area community and chemtrail activist Sairhra Ramun announced to a crowd out in front of Nevada City’s New York Hotel that she plans on going door-to-door collecting toenail clippings to test for traces of chemtrails. The idea came to Ms. Ramun after witnessing her roommate clip her finger and toenails onto the coffee table of their Broad Street home.

“The idea is really simple people,” said Ms. Ramun shouting over her megaphone to a largely frightened crowd of tourists. “We’re going to go door-to-door and collecting your toenail clippings. If you don’t have a collection of them like I do, we’ll clip them for you right on the spot. Then we’ll store and label them and send them off to the lab for testing. This will provide conclusive proof that they are poisoning our skies from above. And that this poison is in us. In our toenails.”

According to largely unemployed people who do “lots” of Internet research, since the early 1900s our bodies simply cannot handle the level of toxicity in our environment without some help. Though our bodies were originally designed to cure itself from every conceivable toxin from heavy metals to the common cold to more obviously chemtrails. Our blood and bones,  they tell us, now contain over 85,000 different chemical pollutants like oxygen, iron and a terrifying level of dihydrogen monoxide which “scientists” say make up chemtrails.

“We’ll be working with a Kansas firm called Biogenetic Forensics, who specializes in alternative and non-Pharma testing,” continued Ms. Ramun. “They were instrumental in developing both the testing protocols and therapies to help remove mercury from Autistic children. Keelaption therapy or something. I can’t remember. Anyhow, each test will cost $249.00, so we’re asking each donor for a donation of $450.00 to cover the cost of the test and our processing.”

It’s not clear at the time of this writing if such a gathering of human toenails is legal, but many, like chemtrail “expert” Russ Tanner of globalskywatch.com, say the danger is real.

“In 1995, my body’s ability to store mercury reached its maximum capacity,” said Mr. Tanner on his website. “When dealing with mercury poisoning in autistic children, this is the point in time when they say, ‘Your (mercury) bucket is full.’  My symptoms are still steadily increasing along with the intensity of chemtrails. Even though low-altitude persistent chemtrails have become less frequent and have been replaced by blue skies. Cleverly, chemtrails are progressively being moved to high-altitudes where they cannot be seen from the ground. But those with sensitive senses of smell and taste (like me) still experience their blunt presence in the air and all of their associated mercury-like symptoms,” explained Mr. Tanner in an attempt to explain away what appears to be an Internet-enabled personality disorder.

According to Ms. Ruman, Biognenetic Forensics plans on testing toenail specimens for mercury, aluminum, barium, coal ash, cobalt, radioactive oprahwinfrinium and of course dihydrogen monoxide. The program will begin December 15th.

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