Penn Valley, CA — Area Flat Earth believer Ben M. Walkowiaksky believes that his new Facebook nickname “Flattard” might be a derogatory slur. Mr. Walkowiaksky was christened “Flattard Supreme” by the administrators of the popular Flat Earth Facebook Group “Flat Earth Education” over the weekend.
“Yeah, well, I don’t see the word Flattard in Galatians or Corinthians, so I’m not sure what they mean,” said a confused Mr. Walkowiaksky. “At first I thought the admins were complementing me on my diverse Flat Earth knowledge, but I’m beginning to think they’re making fun of me.”
According to the Flat Earth Wiki [editors note: there is actually such a thing], “the earth is in the form of a disk with the North Pole in the center and Antarctica as a wall around the edge. This is the generally accepted model among members of the Flat Earth Society.” There is no South Pole.
According to administrators of the Facebook group, Mr. Walkowiaksky is “dumber than a box of rocks” and they are “amazed that he has the capacity to find the post button.”
As for Mr. Walkowiaksky, he’s not giving up.
“Look, the Bible teaches us that the world is flat as a pancake,” continued Mr. Walkowiaksky. “But if they’re making fun of me, it makes sense now. Because in my chemtrail group, they call me a chemtard. Do you think that’s a slur as well?”