Area Man Bravely Refuses to Apologize for Being White

Wes Ford of the Lake of the Pines has learned a lot from Youtube.
Wes Ford of the Lake of the Pines feels no need to apologize for being white.

Lake of the Pines, CA — Local stalwart and proud patriot Wes Ford of Lake of the Pines, CA recently took to social media to proclaim his unwillingness to apologize for many of his traits. Emboldened by the number and nature of comments and “likes” he received on Facebook, Ford elaborated on what he sees as government overreach.

“I’m damn sick of being told I should apologize for being successful,” he said from the hammock on his porch. When asked who wanted him to apologize for being successful, he named President Obama. “You can tell Obama it ain’t gonna happen,” he continued. “And I sure as hell ain’t gonna apologize for not bein’ queer.”

Though he has never met or corresponded with the President, and he can’t point to any such statement from him, Ford is adamant that Obama has repeatedly demanded apologies from him for a some characteristics.

“Obama keeps sayin’ I need to apologize for being white. I should say sorry for being a Christian. I should feel guilty for owning a gun. Well I stand with Rush [Limbaugh, talk radio host] – to hell with Obama, I refuse to apologize for who I am!”

President Obama, currently preoccupied with building an international coalition to combat the terrorist group ISIS, was not immediately available for comment. However White House spokesperson Josh Earnest responded to questions regarding Mr. Ford’s complaints at a press conference this morning with, “What the fuck is he talking about?”

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Jon Reremy, PhD
When Jon was a little bitty baby his mama would rock him in the cradle in the old cotton fields where he's from. Growing up in the deep south, he learned to take a punch, a skill he carries with him to this day and looks to pass on to future generations of Reremies. After the tragic monster truck accident that claimed the life of his latest wife, all pending charges were dropped, leaving Jon to pursue his dream of marrying someone younger, hotter, and dirtier. As his hunt continues, Jon lurks around the local junior college, where he hopes to earn his doctorate by attending several classes a month, that he may one day stop lying about having one. When he's not studying or leching, Jon maintains an active television-viewing schedule. On the rare occasion inspiration strikes, he strikes back.