Area Man Exposes Himself to Bing Streetside Camera Car

Hand up Jake!
Hand up Jake!

Grass Valley, CA — An area man was briefly detained Monday by the Grass Valley Police for repeatedly stalking and exposing himself to the Microsoft Bing Streetside Camera car. According to the police report, Jake Zillevich of Grass Valley spotted the online map camera car while riding his 12 speed around Grass Valley looking for work. He decided to give the mapping service, which some find intrusive, what he thought was an appropriate view of the area.

“Look,” said a serious Mr. Zillevich, “the government is out to get into every part of our lives. Even into our bodily fluids. They want to take over our lives in every way. Just look at the toilet flushing regulations. And our guns. And now that the Patriot Act is sorta dead, they’re ‘partnering'[Mr. Zillevich formed two finger quotes in the air] with Microsoft and Google to watch us. I just gave them something to look at.”

In the police report, Mr. Zillevich discovered the Streetside Camera Car on East Main Street just past the Humpty Dumpty restaurant. Seizing the opportunity to both stalk the Bing car and expose himself, Mr. Zillevich zoomed ahead of the car, past the roundabout, and positioned himself strategically on the corner of Main and Richardson Streets.

Jake Zillevich of Grass Valley seen here expressing himself.
Jake Zillevich of Grass Valley seen here expressing himself.

“I was on it,” continued Mr. Zillevich. “I got down there in front of Maria’s [Mexican restaurant] and waited for the car. I saw it coming, so I took off my clothes and started jumping and waving my hands so they’d see me. Everything was all jangling, if you know what I mean.”

The driver of the camera-converted Toyota Rav 4 said she’s seen lots of weird things, but nothing as weird as the people of Nevada County.

“This Zillevich guy topped the charts on the weird things I’ve seen in Nevada County,” said Microsoft Bing Streetside Camera driver Jessica Alburton, 29 of San Rafael. “Most of the people were just flipping me off, which I’m sorta used to. But these Nevada County people. Wow. Off the charts nuts. Then as I’m driving into Grass Valley, I see this crazy guy pass me on his bicycle. I didn’t think much of it until I entered into town and saw him exposing himself to everyone and God.”

Janet Williams of Cedar Ridge
Janet Williams of Cedar Ridge

Local reaction was mixed.

“Hey now,” said a disconcerted Janet Williams of Cedar Ridge who was just behind the Bing Car during the incident. “This isn’t the Yuba [River]. You just can’t take your clothes off for any reason in downtown. Although I have to admit he was kind of attractive. Normally people like that are wrinkly old men. Not that I would know anything about that.”

Gish Gallop reached out for Microsoft, but said this is a local police matter and to contact the Grass Valley authorities.

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joanne bagatelli
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joanne bagatelli

“Grass” valley, long-haired hippie type. It all makes perfect sense.

Webmaster Tim
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We’re glad someone gets it.

TheDirtmover
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TheDirtmover

Personally,, I would have just mooned the camera. Then it would be just another Bigfoot sighting.