Grass Valley, CA — Area Millennial Scott Foresight has grown tired of his sloppy and inconsiderate roommates in their Bennet Street apartment, so he decided to take matters into his own hands, literally. On Thursday, after removing his two roommates body hair from the shower drain, Mr. Foresight created “Friendship” bracelets for them.
“I don’t know who raised these motherless guys,” said an irritated Mr. Foresight in an exclusive Gish Gallop telephone interview, “but I’m certainly not their mama and I’m sick and tired of cleaning up after them. So I finally had it on Thursday and scooped their mess out of the shower and made them into pubic bracelets. It was gross, but I think they got the message.”
Mr. Foresight’s roommates where not impressed and apparently did not get “the message.”
“Scott can be a OCD dick sometimes,” commented 23-year-old roommate Justin Barbersol who is not qualified to make any psychiatric diagnoses, but is happy to provide them on demand. “He needs to lighten up and not obsess about keeping things clean and paying the bills and whatnot. He needs a little more YOLO in his life.”
When asked about the hair bracelets, Mr. Barbersol seemed somewhat annoyed and confused.
“The hair thing? Yeah, that was gross. Whatever,” continued Mr. Barbersol. “I just threw it out and told him to go fuck himself. Scott told me that it was my turn to clean the shower, and I told him that I would do it later, which I won’t because I have more important things to do other than clean shit. Like get high.”