Area Man with Cancer & MS Tired of Sanctimonious People

Samuel Baker wants people to lighten up and stop being so sanctimonious about everything.
Samuel Baker wants people to lighten up and stop being so sanctimonious about everything.

Grass Valley, CA — An area man suffering from both bone cancer and Multiple Sclerosis is tired of the sanctimonious declarations by area facebookers. Samuel Baker of Rhode Island Street said he’s grown tired of people not having any common sense and using his condition as an excuse to further their sanctimonious crusade in their minds.

“I mean, this cancer and MS thing is shit, there’s no doubt about it,” said a stoic Mr. Baker on the porch of his Rhode Island home. “But it’s not without humor. I’ve found that people without humor in life, often are without humor in death. And there’s really nothing funnier than death. But I’m not dead yet, so I’m not nearly as funny. Yet.”

Mr. Baker has lived most of his life with Multiple Sclerosis which is  a disease in which the insulating covers of nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord are damaged. This damage disrupts the ability of parts of the nervous system to communicate, resulting in a wide range of signs and symptoms, including physical, mental, and sometimes psychiatric problems leading to ranting and sanctimonious Facebook posts. Cancer, is well cancer. And it sucks just as much.

“You should have seen [Mr.] Baker with that traveling meat salesman,” said neighbor Lee Corneys in a Gish Gallop telephone interview. “I mean, all of us were like, ‘get the hell off our property,’ but not Sam. He had the guy in stitches with his cancer jokes.”

As for Mr. Baker, life is frankly terrible for him, but there’s one thing that makes his situation much worse.

“I don’t know how you could make things worse,” continued Mr. Baker. “Oh I know, people being all glum and sad and worse–sanctimonious. I mean at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s. That reminds me of a joke:

Doctor: It’s bad news, you have cancer and Alzheimer’s.
Patient: Oh well, it could be worse – at least I don’t have cancer.”