Auburn, CA — 64-year-old Jack Goff of Meadow Vista says he feels like he’s found the perfect place to work at Home Depot. After working as a PG&E lineman for 40 years, he felt that he wasn’t finished working.

“I enjoy working,” said Mr. Goff reflecting on his job working 40 feet above the ground for most of his life. “I’m good with my hands, and I know how things work, you know? And I also hate people. Which was great when I was in the bucket truck, and even better now that I’m on the floor of Home Depot.”

According to his wife Margarette, she’s glad he’s out of the house.

“Jesus Christ. He’s only been home two weeks, and he’s driving me crazy,” said an angry Ms. Goff, pointing out the window of their Meadow Vista towards Jack’s ‘Man Shed.’ “At first, I told him to go play in his shed. But then he just kept coming in and bother me. So I told him he needed to get a part-time job and get the hell out of the house.”

According to several Home Depot customers, Jack is a real asshole.

“Last Saturday, I went in looking for lag screws for my deck, and when I asked this Jack Goff fella for some help, he just stared and walked around me,” recalled Auburn resident Stephen Ballsac. “When I asked him if he could help me, he just started laughing.”


According to Auburn Home Depot manager Anita Head, they’re working with Jack to improve his customer service skills.

“We pride ourselves on giving people work on their terms. Indeed, Jack is a little rough around the edges, given his background, but we’re working with him and others like him to improve his people skills. ”

As for Jack, he’s having the time of his life.

“This is better than working the lines,” continued Jack. “I mean, they’re paying me to be a mean SOB. My latest thing is giving people the wrong aisle when they ask where something is. It’s not like they’re ever going to be able to find me to chew me out.”