Area Psychic/Remote Viewer Sees Nothing Interesting

Nico Mooney seen here "remote viewing" everything but IED locations.
Nico Mooney is “remote viewing” everything but IED locations.

Nevada City, CA — Area clairvoyant, spirit channeller and “remote viewer” Nico Mooney admitted to his friends this past week that he can indeed see phenomena all around the world, however, what he sees is boring and uneventful.

“Here’s the thing,” Mr. Mooney told his friends while eating street tacos at Los Mineros on Commercial Street in downtown Nevada City, “I can talk to dead people, and even channel spirits from across the universe. So remote viewing is second nature to me. But for the life of me, whenever I do a [remote viewing] session, I never see anything interesting. Well once, I saw a picture of a naked person.”

Remote viewing or “RV” is the practice of seeking impressions about a distant or unseen target using subjective means, in particular, extrasensory perception (ESP) or “sensing with mind.” Typically a remote viewer is expected to give information about an object, event, person or location that is hidden from physical view and separated at some distance. Remote viewing was popularized in the 1990s upon the declassification of certain documents related to the Stargate Project, a $20 million research program that had started in 1975 and was sponsored by the U.S. government, in trying to determine any potential military application of psychic phenomena.

“I worked in intelligence when I was enlisted,” continued Mr. Mooney to his largely disinterested friends, “but I was no good to the Army because I kept seeing Iraqi bathrooms and scotch tape dispensers instead of insurgent locations in Baghdad. But I gotta hand to the US military though, they didn’t give up on me even after three weeks of viewing the same box of pencils on someone’s desk somewhere in Kazakhstan.”

Nico knows good tacos and how to remote view ordinary things.
Nico knows good tacos and how to remote-view ordinary things.

According to officials at the US Army, they don’t speak on the record about such paranormal programs, however, one officer, who wished to remain anonymous, said Mr. Mooney’s skills were incredible, albeit useless.

“Sergeant Mooney has this extraordinary gift to actually see things in far away locations,” said an officer who wished to remain anonymous. “He got even better when he remote-viewed things that were closer. The problem was, he kept seeing these objects that had no relation to our military objectives. For example, one time we needed him to seek out IED [Improvised Explosive Devices] in Fallujah. He spotted all kinds of stuff including a coat hanger, a spare tire and a small girl playing with rocks, but no IEDs or anything beneficial to our campaign there.”

According to Mr. Mooney, these are some of the things he’s remote-viewed in the past week:

“I guess I won’t give up,” continued Mr. Mooney, “but I just wish I could see things that are more interesting.”

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