Modesto, CA — An area rabbit has become extremely bored after listening to 44-year-old Jamie Andrews’ entire Duran Duran music collection. Mt Andrews’ rabbit “Vampire” has been his companion for over 2 years and up until this point, considered herself a “music eclectic.”
“I don’t like judge people by their music,” Vampire said in an exclusive interview, “but I gotta tell you, this Duran Duran stuff is just awful. Did someone who speaks English as a second language come up with these lyrics or what?”
According to Mr. Andrews, Vampire’s prefers some classic rock, Baroque period music and the “experimentations” of late 1960s avant-garde musician of Captain Beefheart.
“I know what you’re thinking,” said Mr. Andrews, “why does a rabbit have such a bad attitude towards early to mid 80s Angular New Wave music? And why is she so outspoken about it? Well I have my theories, but the main one is about snobbery. He just thinks Beefheart and [Frank] Zappa’s catalogs are better than whimsical songs like Girls on Film and Rio.”
It’s unclear when Vampire came to detest such Reagan-era music, and when the little creature gained the ability to speak. However she’s adamant that Duran Duran will never make it on another one of her play-lists.
“I know Jamie thinks I’m a snob,” continued Vampire, “but I’m not. I just need something with more artistic nutrition and less, um, you know, stupid fucking lyrics and mindless melodies.”