Weston, WV — Weston man Jack Burke expressed his disappointment this week after discovering that a “Watch Party” on his favorite Facebook Group wasn’t what he thought it was. What’s worse for the single 32-year-old is that after he complained, group administrators reported him, and he’s since been on a 30 day “Facebook timeout.”

A Watch Party is a way for Facebook users to watch videos on Facebook together in real-time.

“Look, I like to look at things. People and things,” said Mr. Burke. “So when I heard that there was this watch party going on, I got all excited. I guess a little too excited.”

The Watch party in question featured several clips from the popular television series The X-Files, with several video segments from popular paranormal YouTube channels.

“It didn’t wasn’t what I was looking for. Get it? Looking for? Anyhow, it wasn’t the kind of content I wanted to watch. But when I complained, the group admin got all nasty and kicked me out.”

Now in Facebook Jail

Dick Jensen, one of the Paranormal Activity administrators, says he tried to reason with Jack, but he became belligerent and threatened to harm people in the group.

“At first, I thought he was kidding, you know? But then he got creepy when I told him that a Watch Party isn’t what he thought it was. That’s when he started talking about how he just got out of the Allegheny hospital and that he had guns. So I reported him.”



After reports of Mr. Burke’s online behavior reached the Weston police, the department declined to make a wellness visit based on, in the words of a spokesperson, “spurious social media activity.”

“We can’t follow-up on every strange claim made on Facebook and Twitter,” said Weston Police spokesperson Bethany Millbright. “We do not have the time. And frankly, most of them are just some guy in his basement and a computer. Sure, some of them have mental health issues and lots of guns, but there’s nothing we can do about that.”

As for Mr. Burke, he says he’s not a quitter.

“I’m not giving up. As soon as I’m out of Facebook jail, I plan on attending more watch parties. I’m sure there are ones out there that I will like.”

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