AT&T Wireless: Get Less Brain Cancer With Us

A recent study released by the concludes that you will get less brain cancer if you switch to AT&T.
A recent study released by the United States Toxicology Program concludes that you will get less brain cancer if you switch to AT&T.

Atlanta, GA — Following a study released this week by the United States Toxicology Program (NTP), AT&T Mobility along with its recent television provider DirecTV released a statement announcing that their service has lower rates of cancer than leading competitor Verizon Wireless. The study, which tested 540 rats, demonstrated that AT&T’s GSM radio technology has lower rates of brain and heart cancer than Verizon’s CDMA-based system.

“We are excited that AT&T can bring you a safer mobile experience,” said AT&T spokeswoman Bethany Millbright from AT&T Mobility headquarters in Atlanta, Georgia. “But we already knew AT&T Mobility always offered a better experience and a better price-point. Now we can say you’ll have less brain cancer with our service.”

The NTP study sought to study the effects of non-ionizing mobile phone radiation on tissues. Because no rational human alive would subject themselves to clinical tests, 540 rats were used and given varying “doses” of 900Mhz radio frequencies at zero, 1, 1.5. 5 and as much as 6 watts of power in a small, closed metal box. Researchers said they chose such small containers to simulate both automobile commutes and soul-crushing cubical work environments most people face. The study favored AT&T wireless over Verizon finding that there was as much as a 1% increase in brain and heart cancer rates for rats exposed to Verizon radio waves vs. AT&T ones.

With regard to local news, it is unclear whether this revelation will impact installation plans for two Verizon cell phone towers on top of the Friar Tuck’s building. However this uncertainty didn’t stop anti-EMR (Electro Magnetic Radiation) activists from speaking out.

“Well this is it. This is what we’ve been waiting for but already knew,” said community activist Saihra Ruman shouting at the top of the Friar Tuck’s Building from the nearby Pine Street sidewalk. “Cell phone waves cause cancer. We’re all going to get cancer from these things and we can not allow them to be installed. We’re all going to die if they go up. Wake up people.”

No comment was provided by Verizon officials, although an announcement is expected later this week.

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