Rocklin, CA — Bass Pro Shops in a cooperative effort with the Friends of the NRA is offering a four-part workshop to identify those of the Islam faith properly. This follows a failed attempt by President Trump to require federally mandated wristbands for believers of Allah.

The workshops will begin with basic stereotypes and move on to identifying individuals trying to blend in as average Americans. Then the classes will advance to threat assessment and conclude with advanced training for concealed carry Islam interactions. Turnout is expected to be excellent, as most open spots filled up within a day of the announcement.

We traveled to the nearest Bass Pro Shop in Rocklin to ask some questions from this outspoken group of outdoor enthusiasts.

“I say send ’em all back to their sandpits and nuke the crap out of place,” said Bob as he sifted through the various shades of camo undershirts.

“They should wear the wristbands, so I know to have my finger close to the release button on my Glock I keep next to the ole’ family jewels,” Joe told us as he grabbed a numbered ticket at the gun counter.

“Tell ’em this is a Christian country, and Jesus says believe in him or get the hell out,” Sue revealed as she pondered the selection of bird feeders.


We found the Friends of the NRA booth selling raffle tickets for a Bushmaster AR-15. They didn’t want to make an official statement but were excited to be helping with an educational workshop. There is no age requirement for the workshop, but all participants will be receiving important updates from the NRA weekly via email. They will also receive a ten pack of Muhammad shooting targets.

The Organization of Islamic Cooperation has condemned the workshop only to be dismissed by the following tweets from @realDonaldTrump,

The OIC has a P.O. Box in Saudi Arabia, so I don’t think they are qualified to speak about Islamic issues in America.

This is America, not Saudi Arabia #MAGA #ShopBassPro #NRA #ShopWalmart

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Larry Ryder grew up in the upstate town of Saratoga Springs, New York. As a young boy he enjoyed licking the cream cheese off of bagels and throwing the remains at tourists. His father worked at the Naval Nuclear Base close by in Balston Spa. He snuck young Larry onto the base one day so Larry could press his face up to the viewing window for the reactor. This ignited Larry's interest in Nuclear Physics and after taking apart old smoke detectors to build a decay reactor he received a full scholarship to MIT where he received his Masters Degree in Nuclear Physics. Devoted to his job and wife Darleen, his world was shattered when she died after being folded up in a IKEA futon while taking a short nap induced by a large dose of mashed potatoes and meatballs. Completely devasted he quit his high paying job at 3 Mile Island shortly before the meltdown. All of his savings went into the purchase of an ice cream truck and customizations by a Los Angeles low rider shop. He can be now seen cruising the back streets of North San Juan selling his patented "Hempsicles" and nitrogen cooled "Trippin Dots". His reporting career started one fateful day when he started talking to fish down at the Middle Fork of the Yuba River. The fish promised him riches and maybe some friends if he started reporting the truth as he saw it. Larry and the fish ended up taking a trip upstream where they took turns riding down the Falls. Larry was most amused with the fish and decided to start his career as a freestyle reporter. Larry enjoys long walks in the Diggins and walking his imaginary dog, Freedo. He is currently single but still emotionally tender from his wife's death.