Bernie Sanders Finally Chooses His Campaign Song [VIDEO]


Burlington, VT — Bernie Sanders has been campaigning hard against Hillary Clinton for the Democratic nomination. After several months of trial and error, Sanders’ campaign has finally picked its official campaign song. Campaign songs have become popular in recent elections, most notably “Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow” by Fleetwood Mac for Bill Clinton’s 1992 campaign. Campaigns try to choose a song that is catchy and that captures the spirit of their campaign message.

Gish Gallop caught up to Patricia Skeritt, a spokesperson for Bernie Sanders campaign at a campaign stop in New York.  Ms. Skeritt broke the news about the official campaign song.

The Clinton Campaign is trying to out-do the Sanders campaign.

“I’m pleased to announce that Senator Sanders has decided that ‘I’m Afraid of Americans’ by David Bowie will be our campaign song going forward.”

We asked why this particular song and Ms. Skeritt interjected, “[i]t sums up our campaign perfectly. We are afraid of the gun-toting-meat-eating Americans. We all are. They want to take away everything. They would take away our rights to safe speech zones and participation trophies.”

Johnny wants a plane
Johnny wants to suck on a Coke
Johnny wants a woman
Johnny wants to think of a joke

“I mean, just look at those lyrics,” continued Ms. Skeritt. “Who wouldn’t be terrified by that?”

The song barely edged out “Taxman” by the Beatles.

Gish Gallop has learned that the Clinton campaign is trying to make a tough choice between two songs: “Been Caught Stealing” by Jane’s Addiction and “20th Century Man” by The Kinks.

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Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.