Washington, D.C. — In what some are calling one of the Vermont Senator’s greatest achievements, Bernie Sanders took to the chamber floors yesterday afternoon to introduce what he’s calling the Enchirito Restoration Act of 2020 which seeks to force fast food corporation Taco Bell to re-introduce the enchilada-like item on its menu.
“What you have to understand, Mr. President [Senate’s president pro tempore, Orrin Hatch], is the American people are sick and tired of not having the Enchirito in their lives,” said Mr. Sanders during his passionate speech for the gooey and saucy Taco Bell delight. “You know, when I was a young man, you could find the Enchirito at every single Taco Bell establishment. Today? Nowhere to be found. And why is that, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you. Taco Bell is owned by a large corporation, and as I’m sure you know, Mr. President, they don’t care about the American people. So it’s time to give the people what they really want. And what they want is the Enchirito.”
Enchirito is the trademarked name of Taco Bell’s menu item of the Tex-Mex food similar to an enchilada. It is composed of a flour tortilla filled with seasoned ground beef taco meat (with options to substitute steak or chicken if you are a loser), beans, diced onions, cheddar cheese, and magic “red sauce”. There is an unsubstantiated claim that the Enchirito was invented in 1967 by a senior high school student in Montebello, CA. That student mysteriously disappeared in 1978 after an LA Times article attributed the Enchirito’s invention to him.
According to Taco Bell spokeswoman Bethany Millbright, the Enchirito is on a secret menu and all customers have to do is request it.
“We believe the Senator Sanders bill is unnecessary,” said Ms. Millbright in an early morning conference call. “Although we consider the Enchirito a special order item, we are happy to make it if our customers request it. We prefer to keep our menu up-to-date with exciting offerings like our new Double-Wrapped-n-Stacked Diablo Bomber. We have a call scheduled with the Senator early next week.”
Reaction around the country was generally positive.
“I’m like totally jacked about Bernie, you know,” said musician and “farmer” Moonash. “I’m like, you know, whoa you go little man. You’re like my hero and shit. I’m so there for the Enchirito. It’s like [editor’s note: there was a 27-second pause as Moonash stared silently off into the distance], you know awesome.”
According to Senator Sanders, he hopes to get the Enchirito Restoration Act into committee early in 2019, in which case he plans on renaming it the Enchirito Restoration Act of 2019.