“Big Hands” Link to Males Masking Feelings of Inadequacy

A comprehensive cross-Atlantic study has revealed something Conservative man have known for years.
A comprehensive cross-Atlantic study has revealed something Conservative man have known for years.

Palo Alto, CA — A joint team of psychologists across the UK and US has published the data from a two year study into diminutively equipped men’s attitudes toward their small penis sizes and the results shocked all involved.

“We expected to encounter issues related to unrealistic expectations of the male member based on the typical lengths presented in pornographic films, or going back to competitiveness in the school showers after sports,” said the Dr. Dick Smith of the Palo Alto, California based Rundex Family Foundation, “but this was wide of the mark.”

Study groups were selected exclusively from Republican (US) and Conservative Party (UK) members, to save valuable time finding suitable candidates, according to PRICS (Penile Research Investigating Causality of Substandardry) and a series of oral and written evaluations were undertaken, relating to the participants’ feelings about their undersized undercarriages.

“Nobody expected what came next,”  said Dr. Rod Long, of the UK’s National Heath Service or NHS. “While it was obvious from our research that this subgroup suffers from extensive and deep seated anxieties regarding their minuscule middle stumps, almost to a man they were in complete denial that they even had short shafts.”

Dr. Smith added, “this was partly expected, but what surprised us all was that 88% of the subjects claimed their skin flutes were not below average, it was simply that they and their partners had big hands.”

While the group of over 7,000 participants does not represent all men, the PRICS team believes that there is a correlation between tiny tent pegs and conservative tendencies, so they were ideally suited for the study.

Dr. Long concluded, “I guess there’s some truth in the old joke that Jeremy Beadle has a tiny penis, but on the other hand it’s really big.”

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