Grass Valley, CA — As the new fleet of black police cars start to arrive in the Grass Valley Police Department, police supporters are quick to point out that the dark foreboding “vibe” of the new vehicles is really an attempt to show the caring side of local law enforcement.
“The new vehicles show our commitment to caring,” said a police insider. “They’ll boost morale in the department, as well as let the average citizen know we are secretly watching them all the time. Eventually everyone will come to love them, but there will be a transition period we’ll have to go through.”
Across America, many Police Departments are phasing out older police vehicle colors such as white and black and white for a solid black color. Although there are a variety of reasons police departments are switching patrol car colors to black, the most obvious one is that it allows officers to be sneaky. Also, it allows police officers to hide from citizens for important nap time, even though officials insist that the new designs will not impact visibility nor access to police services.
“It seems to me that Police cars need to be as visible as possible,” said Janet Williams of Cedar Ridge. “Making them sneaky like this presumes guilt of our citizens in my book. In other countries they make their police vehicles bright like Fire Engines so people can find them. Just another example of the militarization of our police force.”
Some critics of the move liken the Town’s acceptance from small-town, Mayberry-like law enforcement to a more ominous police-state one to something called the “Stockholm Syndrome.” Stockholm syndrome, or capture-bonding, is a psychological phenomenon in which hostages express empathy and sympathy and have positive feelings toward their captors, sometimes to the point of defending and identifying with the captors.
Not all departments are switching patrol car colors for nefarious reasons. In Baltimore, MD law enforcement officials demanded that patrol cars be changed because according to former Police Commission Edward T. Norris they the felt the white cars were too closely linked to, of all things, a 1970s television comedy the Mary Tyler Moore Show.
“There’s really no downside to this,” continued the Police Department insider. “We also look at this as a way to add ‘color’ to the community, you know? If people aren’t doing anything wrong, they have nothing to be worried about.”
In related news, the Sheriff’s Robocop initiative has stalled as parts for the mechanized law-enforcer have become scarce as has the budget to purchase them.
“It appears that the Department of Homeland Security‘s ‘gift’ to the Sheriff was one-sided,” said one insider. “Just because they’re off-loading free military gear, doesn’t mean the departments have the capability to fix and maintain them.”