Grass Valley, CA — Police were called to the 11000 block of Rhode Island Street this week after residents of the home discovered what they thought was a dead body in one of the beds. Upon inspection, the police discovered that it was not a dead body, but rather than 17-year-old Kevin Thomas, who has been asleep for as many as 14 hours. It was at 2 pm in the afternoon.

“The young man had slept for several hours and not moved an inch,” said Officer Davies, who was first on the scene. “The room was a disaster and had the combined smell of dirty socks, rotten food, and other things I wish not to speak of. I mean, it smelt of death, so I understand why we were called, but it was just another lazy teenager.”

The police officer spent almost 5 minutes attempting to rouse the nearly unconscious Kevin Thomas. According to the police report, he was not under the influence of anything, nor did he seem to be injured in any way. He was just extraordinarily lazy.

“Yeah,” continued officer Davies, “at first, we tried to be gentle with a ‘Kevin, wake up.’ But when he didn’t respond, I had Jake [Davies partner] go and get the blow horn. Even that didn’t work, but he did rustle a bit and seemed somewhat annoyed. So we tazed him a bit, and he jumped right out of bed.”

As for Kevin Thomas, he was unharmed during the incident and reportedly out looking for a job because “his Father won’t get off his case about it.”