Along the Mexican Border In Texas — In a stunning and exaggerated story unfolding this week, President Trump has authorized ICE agents to use Border Collies to enforce a bunch of things, one of them being the dividing line between the USA and Mexico. Secretly launched in March, according to ICE officials Operation El Perro Loco, has been a tremendous success.
Partially modeled after the Bush and Obama-era program Fast and Furious, El Perro Loco hopes to have quick success with minimal costs.
“Chihuahuas are a public nuisance and surely kill people,” explained the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) Undersecretary of Jerry “Staff” Quanti. “Our Border Collies are trained with the intention that they would just chase the little Chihuahuas back to where they belong. Sometimes our guys go too far. Hell, even Zachary Taylor wasn’t perfect.”
Border Collies are a bunch of good, patriotic dogs who can round up sheep, cows, llamas, emus, goats, and people by guiding them in a chosen direction. They have beautiful black and white coats, no two the same, and no two have the same personality. They’re really great dogs who like to follow orders. This is their kind of gig.
“I know it looks bad when you see them eating that little guy like he’s a chicken wing trying to sneak in but – and I’m sorry you had to see that – you have to understand, we have no place for all these Chihuahuas flooding our border,” Darrel Bohart, a diesel mechanic from Waco, Texas told us as we walked back to his horse. “We have to try to let the Border Collie policy work itself out. You know, give it a chance to see if it’ll work.”
Operation El Perro Loco
According to DHS, since Operation El Perro Loco secretly launched in March, after Congress refused to fund President Trump’s border wall, the team of 420 Border Collies has apprehended over 456,000 illegal Chihuahuas attempting to seek asylum in the United States.
“But you hear nothing about that,” continued Mr. Bohart. “It’s like Trump says. Them fake news media types won’t report on this stuff. I reckon it’s probably for the better or we’d have all those libtard animal rights people down here trying to save these lazy Taco Bell chawoodles. I mean, just look at how hard them Collies work. What can these stupid Mexican rats do? The answer is nothing.”
DHS Undersecretary Quanti claims he is glad that Operation El Perro Loco is now public knowledge. He hopes the news will encourage Congress to fund further programs like it, and that this “virtual canine border wall,” as he calls it, will catch on in other states.