Brooklyn, New York — As a way to draw more attention to the need to expose Brooklyn hipster tots to everything, a pre-Halloween parental group has started a summer festival that will prepare their “stylistic spawn” for organically grown local horror films 4 months prior to Halloween. In an initiative to bring Brooklyn parents and toddlers closer together in the booming and parental bonding area of slasher/horror films, several parents in the most horrific and horrible areas of hip Brooklyn Heights, Park Slope, Green(skin!) point, and Willamsburg, will hand craft their own films with the help of their children.
“It will be all hands (and axes) on,” said Zak Pretentiousberg. “I want my daughter Sophia Mercedes to have an early exposure, with me leaning creepily over her of course, to the genre and possibilities of home grown New York-style nightmare cinema. I will not deny her, at 2 years old, the opportunity to make deeply disturbing cinematic art. What better way than for myself, my wife Lisa, and our dog Einstein, to all experience these psychological shocks as a social unit, and make our film ‘Nightmare on Court Street’ a wholesome nuclear family experience and effort.”
More Brooklyn parents are catching on to the idea, and child welfare services “be damned,” according to child trauma attorney and Iron Kitchen welder and artist, John Loafarelli. “Its not for them to condemn. We push the strollers, we own the co-ops, we fund the street fairs, we’ll make the movies. Thank you, and see you in court, Satan spawn. Oh, and do not touch my chai latte or my kids’ bloody chainsaw unless you want a piece of the action!”
The festival will kickoff in Boreum Hill, in the Sewing Seeds (of Hell) Park, and continue for 4 months until Halloween. No films will be shown on Halloween as all parents agree that it is a politically incorrect and violent holiday that takes the rest of the year for granted, especially art-making-wise for their children.
“Halloween is a mass market escapist brainwash and I will not expose my children to those horror films and commercial bombardment. We make it ourselves here in Brooklyn, in a loving artistic bloodfest,” added Prentiousberg.
The following films will be shown, and there will be an internet broadcast so parents in Nevada City can also join in the progressive terror:
- “Children of the Midwife Born”
- “A Nice Nightmare on Court street”
- “Night of the living KEDS (TM)”
- “The Whining”
- “The Claire Little Bitch Project”
- “Nightmare on Jay street (parent participation mandatory)”
- “The Country Weekend Organic Farm in the Woods”
- “Rosemary’s College-Educated Baby”
- and some others…