California Legislature Votes to Allow State of Jefferson to Secede

State of Jefferson Movement Accidentally Brought Back from the Dead
State of Jefferson Movement Accidentally Brought Back from the Dead

Sacramento, CA — The State of California Legislature has voted to allow the State of Jefferson to secede from California and form a new state under Article IV, Section 3 of the United States Constitution. The formation of the new state has only one hurdle and that’s the approval from Congress to be admitted into the Union.

A movement that has been debated for decades has seemed to finally come to realization, but not without a long and arduous process. Mark Baird, the main catalyst of the State of Jefferson movement, was delighted to hear the news, although he had no doubt the formation of the new state would be approved, he did admit he was frustrated at times, especially when God didn’t answer his prayers for a straight week back in July of 2015.

“God usually sends me a message using aliens to form crop circles on the ranch, and I use these signals as my main motivation for the upcoming week,” Mr. Baird was visibly excited and couldn’t wait to write the new State of Jefferson Constitution. “I’ve almost got it finished”, he said.

As required by section 9005 of the Elections Code, the California Legislature’s nonpartisan fiscal and policy adviser, the Legislative Analyst’s Office (LAO) analyzed the proposal and immediately consulted with the Department of Finance. Finance Director, Michael Cohen, said they completed their analysis and feel the future of the rest of California will be much brighter without the financial burdens of the 20 rural counties.

“We were so impressed by the State of Jefferson proposal,” said Director Cohen, “especially their financial analysis provided, we not only recommended the process going forward, we encouraged the State Legislature to fast track the process, which they did.”

Nevada County Gish Gallop reporters met with county department heads and discussed the future of their counties and the challenges they’ll face with millions less in funding for public safety, health and human services, MHSA and many other services they provide now. Most department heads had little to no problem because they already had interviews scheduled in nearby Sonoma, Marin, Napa, Solano and Sacramento Counties.

One department head, who asked to remain anonymous said, “We are concerned for the citizens and recipients of services, but in the end, we have to ignore their sadness and acknowledge that most of our Board of Supervisors didn’t understand what we do, the services we provide and the importance of those services, and just move on.”

Our reporters interviewed dozens of members of the State of Jefferson coalition throughout the 20 counties, and when asked about the decrease in funding to local agencies, there seemed to be a common theme.

Terry Rapoza said, Good, we didn’t need that money anyway and we can teach our own children, police our own citizens and take care of ourselves. This is a new world and we don’t want others in it.” Gish Gallop reporters interviewed 27 SOJ proponents, from 20 different counties, including State Senator Candidate, Steve Baird, and asked the same question to all: What was your main motivation for forming the new state? Incredibly, all 21 answers to that same question were exactly the same and strangely robotic. “Article IV, Section 3 of the US Constitution; seat at the table; we are a moral people; elect new supervisors; Reynolds v Simms.”

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Chronicsmokemon
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Chronicsmokemon

Fake news

bootcamp808
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bootcamp808

Hopefully the folks in Upstate New York will look at this as a motivator.

Jon Kennedy
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Jon Kennedy

Whoever this guy, or woman is who wrote this, is pretty hilarious. And by hilarious, I mean right on the money.

Micheal Rampley
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Micheal Rampley

Still laughing….

Micheal Rampley
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Micheal Rampley

Well I have to admit it. That there is one funny article. Yes sir!