California Program Relocates Citizens to Idaho & Montana

Traffic Leaving California
Traffic Leaving California for Idaho, Montana and sometimes Seattle.

Sacramento, CA — An innovative State program seeks to help disgruntled Californians relocate to other areas of the country. The California Department of Relocation, or CDR, was started by Governor Brown to help “people who want to get out of California find suitable places to settle down.” The department has partnered with national real estate firm Century 21 as well as U-haul and other private companies to aid in what is being called the “Great California Exodus.”

“We couldn’t have done it without the CDR’s help,” said Chris Olberheimer, a former Nevada County resident. “It’s probably the only thing Jerry [Governor Jerry Brown] has done right. For people like me and the ‘missus, we couldn’t get out of this socialist paradise fast enough. So we contacted the agency and are now happy in Idaho.”

CDR Brochure
CDR Brochure (click for larger)

The program was first proposed to Governor Brown back during his first term, but due to tight budgets during the great recession, plans were scrapped. However once the economy picked up, there was pent-up demand for people to leave the State. Many of which would call themselves conservatives who were fed up with what they perceived as a government which was increasingly infringing on not only their pocket books, but their Constitutional rights.

“Look,” continued Mr. Olberheimer, “It’s no secret that Kalifornia [Mr. Olberheimer insisted that we spell it with a ‘K’] is being overrun by Mexicans which are getting free stuff with our tax dollars. We were tired of paying for all this crap. We needed a place where we could be with people just like us, you know? And frankly I didn’t mind getting help from the CDR to get the hell out of here. Besides, Idaho has everything we need, minus all the Mexicans and Blacks.”

Mr. Olberheimer is part of a discontented demographic that is fleeing the state.

CDR Logo
CDR Logo

According to statistics provided by the CDR, approximately 27,265 people have used the department’s services to relocate to other states since it started offering help in August of 2015. All but 17 were registered Republicans and/or Libertarians. Although Idaho tends to be the most popular state for California expatriates, according to Bethany Millbright, spokeswoman for Governor Brown, other States have benefited from an injection of “California Spirit.”

“About 67% of the applicants have chosen Idaho as their destination,” said Ms. Millbright in a Gish Gallop telephone interview. “However, a few have chosen Eastern Oregon and Montana as well. A small bunch of Democrats chose Seattle. We hear they’ve all been accepted with open arms, which is encouraging for the 42 thousand-plus applicants in the queue for our services.”

Of course not everyone is pleased about this new California program. Some don’t like the idea of what they see as a “California invasion” coming to their states.

“We are sick and tired of these Californians coming here bringing all of their liberal values with them,” said Montana resident Jeth Smith of Kalispell. “They think they’re coming here to find cheap housing and whatever, but they’re driving the price of everything through the ceiling. And they drive like shit causing traffic jams. Just go back to where you came from. We don’t want you here.”

According to Governor’s office, the program is considered a resounding success, and they plan on funding it for another 3 years.

For more information on this valuable program, please contact the California Department of Relocation at 1-530-278-5046, M-F 9:30 – 4pm Pacific Time. Closed for lunch and on weekends.

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WLFirefighter
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WLFirefighter

The fact that this program is happening is absolutely upsetting. We know that the government has been training the Syrian refuge “freedom fighters” in Montana. This is only putting Californians at risk!

James
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James

Apparently, you did not notice that this is satire.

Webmaster Tim
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Please don’t wake the sleeping babies. Thanks.

WLFirefighter
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WLFirefighter

James,

I understand that school has gotten lax. It is “the tire” and not “satire”.

What tires have anything to do with this program makes no sense. Are you making tires in an effort to relocate these people?