If you are having trouble gathering the courage to do this, ask a friend for help.

How To Ripen an Avocado By Shoving It Up Your Ass, by Loretta Splittair

If you have a love/hate relationship with avocados like I do, stick around. I have a tip that will not only help you with unripe avocados, but also make you the talk of the dinner table, of your asshole friends on Facebook or whatever.
Trump sends Rice and Beans to the Purrto Rican people after Hurricane Maria.

Some Question Trump’s Delivery of Rice and Beans To Puerto Rico

Many residents are angry and are talking about racism after finding that the supplies received were boxes of rice and beans. The food staple has been stereotyped as a favorite of the Puerto Rican people.
Gish Gallop reached out to cows for their opinion on this new technology, but all we got were stares.

Dairy Industry Deploys Fracking Technology

Researchers at the Monsanto Center of Agricultural Development located at the Washington University in St. Louis, Missouri have announced a breakthrough discovery using oil shale hydraulic fracturing or "fracking" technology to dramatically improve dairy cow milk production.
Along with being strangled in bed, the 1.2 million dollar study also found that there's a high correlation that people who eat Pringles have an affection for Nicolas Cage films.

Study: Eating Pringles Raises Risk of Being Strangled by Bed Sheets

A 2 year study conducted by the Palo Alto, CA-based Rundex Family Foundation found that the popular potato and wheat-based snack food Pringles is Earth's most popular food.
Nevada City's Better Butter Creamery will discontinue its popular butter-by-mail service.

Local Creamery Discontinuing Popular Butter-by-Mail Service

Despite a surprising demand, local Better Butter Creamery has decided to discontinue sending they're award-winning butter via the US Mail due to numerous complaints from delivery personnel.

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