How to Roast a Fucking Whole Chicken, by Loretta Splitair

Question: How do you scare a Millennial? Answer: Tell them s/he has to butcher a whole chicken. Now I'm not talking about going out to your coop, finding an asshole hen or rooster and cutting that animal's head off, followed by a plucking.

Harvest News: “Farmers” Demand School Closures Due to Rain

Due to a somewhat unseasonal rainstorm, some Nevada County "farmers" are demanding that local schools close to give area families extra labor for an emergency harvest.

Area Woman Uses Kombucha To Treat Schizophrenia

Fresh off her self-proclaimed successes in treating autism with coconut oil, Merrilee Longshoes of North San Juan, CA has announced a new treatment option for Schizophrenia: Kombucha. Kombucha is any of a variety of preparations of fermented, lightly effervescent sweetened black or green tea drinks that are commonly used as functional beverages for their unsubstantiated health benefits.

Active Shooter’s Killing Spree Tragically Cut Short By Second Active Shooter

A second active shooter thwarted the attempts of a potential active shooter at a Palm Beach Walmart.
While nihilists across the country have tried to reconcile their lack of beliefs with our President's lack of beliefs, one man has decided to analyze his nihilism.

Area Nihilists Find Empathy in the Era of Trump

A man was struck existential recently as he realized that names, headlines, and titles could be misrepresentations of the material provided, and that he might, perhaps, benefit by looking deeper into the subjects at hand.

Must Read

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!