A study conducted by the Palo Alto-based Rundex Family Foundation has concluded that regular cell phone use makes you happier. The 3 year study, titled "Effects of Cell Phone Radio Frequency Signal Exposure on Brain Glucose Metabolism," was conducted by Rundex with funding from the Centers for Disease Control and found that using using a mobile phone as little as 50 minutes per day increases brain glucose metabolism by as much as 26%, which contributed to increased happiness.
The "fattening of the world" is a deliberate attempt by earth-bound Reptilian overlords to prepare humanity for harvesting by a visiting extraterrestrial race called the Anunnaki.
North San Juan resident, part-time chemtrail researcher and amateur ionizing radiation hobbyist Skyy Wolford announced to a somewhat disinterested crowd out in front of the Sierra Super Stop that Bend, Oregon is an elaborate hoax and does not exist.
The former Navy Pilot and current cloud seeding captain of a Evergreen 747 based out of Beale Air Force base, has been eyeing the coveted Chemtrail Captain position ever since he joined Evergreen's gioengineering fleet back in 2006.
The scientists at CERN Laboratories, or European Organization for Nuclear Research in Switzerland, have finally isolated and studied the elusive Higgs-Boson particle, also known as the 'God particle'. The findings of the study are startling, to say the least.