A three year study by the Rundex Family Foundation has phone that regular cell phone use makes you happier.

Mobile Phone Radiation Makes You Happier

A study conducted by the Palo Alto-based Rundex Family Foundation has concluded that regular cell phone use makes you happier. The 3 year study, titled "Effects of Cell Phone Radio Frequency Signal Exposure on Brain Glucose Metabolism," was conducted by Rundex with funding from the Centers for Disease Control and found that using using a mobile phone as little as 50 minutes per day increases brain glucose metabolism by as much as 26%, which contributed to increased happiness.

Asperger’s Support Group Meeting Awkwardly Silent

A weekly support group meeting of Asperger's patients was awkwardly silent for the 6th straight week according to participant Don Bessert of Grass Valley. The meeting, which is the 6th attempt to get people afflicted with the social interaction and nonverbal communication ailment to talk to one another, was considered a failure by lead Clinical Psychologist Ed Woodward, PhD.

Area Cloud Seeder Hoping for a Chemtrail Promotion

The former Navy Pilot and current cloud seeding captain of a Evergreen 747 based out of Beale Air Force base, has been eyeing the coveted Chemtrail Captain position ever since he joined Evergreen's gioengineering fleet back in 2006.

Vaping Stops Chemtrails, Study Says

Local Sierra Super Stop parking lot orator and ionizing radiation hobbyist Skyy Wolford announced the discovery of a completely safe and effective method for neutralizing the blanket of chemtrails over Nevada County.

Jamba Juice Diet Leads to Type 2 Diabetes

Area man Jason Dubrey is now recovering from a month-long diet of Jamba Juice. Dubrey, 34, has been watching several online videos about weight loss and juice diets and decided last month to try a "30-day Juice fast."

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