A study conducted by the Palo Alto-based Rundex Family Foundation has concluded that regular cell phone use makes you happier. The 3 year study, titled "Effects of Cell Phone Radio Frequency Signal Exposure on Brain Glucose Metabolism," was conducted by Rundex with funding from the Centers for Disease Control and found that using using a mobile phone as little as 50 minutes per day increases brain glucose metabolism by as much as 26%, which contributed to increased happiness.
A weekly support group meeting of Asperger's patients was awkwardly silent for the 6th straight week according to participant Don Bessert of Grass Valley. The meeting, which is the 6th attempt to get people afflicted with the social interaction and nonverbal communication ailment to talk to one another, was considered a failure by lead Clinical Psychologist Ed Woodward, PhD.
The former Navy Pilot and current cloud seeding captain of a Evergreen 747 based out of Beale Air Force base, has been eyeing the coveted Chemtrail Captain position ever since he joined Evergreen's gioengineering fleet back in 2006.