Spongebob Squarepants Homeless After Coral Reef Bleached
The entire cast has been uprooted from their homes suffering from bleaching, the only structure left standing is the Krusty Krabb Restaurant. Mr. Krabbs has began charging the displaced residents for sitting in his restaurant.
Jeff Sessions Promises To Make America 1952 Again
The man that Donald Trump wants to be the nation's top attorney told attendees of a prayer breakfast this morning that he plans to "roll back the 21st century" and "restore the natural order of things" in his tenure.
Study: Mobile Phone Radiation Makes You Happier
A study conducted by the Palo Alto-based Rundex Family Foundation has concluded that regular cell phone use makes you happier. The 3 year study, titled "Effects of Cell Phone Radio Frequency Signal Exposure on Brain Glucose Metabolism," was conducted by Rundex with funding from the Centers for Disease Control and found that using using a mobile phone as little as 50 minutes per day increases brain glucose metabolism by as much as 26%, which contributed to increased happiness.
First Wave of Syrian Refugees Reach Menominee Michigan
Earlier this week, the first wave of Syrian refugees, approximately 2,000 of the expected 4,500, finally reached the Menominee Marina in downtown Menominee, MI. The remaining refugees are expected to land over the next few days, depending on the weather and conditions of Lake Michigan.
Rush Limbaugh: Colin Kaepernick a Suspect in Charlotte Riots
Popular radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh suggested that 49er Quarterback Colin Kaepernick whereabouts were unknown during the Charlotte riots.
