A study conducted by the Palo Alto-based Rundex Family Foundation has concluded that regular cell phone use makes you happier. The 3 year study, titled "Effects of Cell Phone Radio Frequency Signal Exposure on Brain Glucose Metabolism," was conducted by Rundex with funding from the Centers for Disease Control and found that using using a mobile phone as little as 50 minutes per day increases brain glucose metabolism by as much as 26%, which contributed to increased happiness.
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President Trump made an attempt to model "good forest maintenance" by raking leaves on the White House lawn.
The far-right newspaper The Epoch Times has purchases the French-reactionary publication the Babylon Bee.