Cheerleader Accidentally Relieves Herself Midair

Knoxville, TN — A Knoxville area cheerleader has become news in an unfortunate way this past Friday night when she accidentally had a bowel movement while in midair during the varsity football game halftime show. Jessica Donally of Knoxville’s Dimas High School had just been launched into the air by to fellow cheerleaders when she had a fit of diarrhea.

“We were five minutes into our routine,” said fellow cheerleader Beth Milderberg speaking with Gish Gallop via telephone, “when Jess started screaming ‘look out.’ It all happened so fast, but then it happened. She started pooing in the air. It did hit me though, but it landed on the other Devil song girls. It was so embarrassing.”

According to eyewitnesses, Ms. Donally was about 8 feet off the ground, flying through the air in a forward motion when the accident occurred. Her trajectory carried the rather large volume of diarrhea through the air where it landed on three cheerleaders who were waiting to catch the gastrotract challenged young woman. However adding to the already difficult situation, the three cheerleaders failed to catch Ms. Donally and she fell to the ground.

“Well, I gotta tell you,” said Aileen “Dipsy” Mae, “I wasn’t gonna stand there and get crapped on. No way. So I moved out of the way. I means, I feel bad about it and all, but I wasn’t about to get poo-sprayed.”

Ms. Donally received minor injuries when she landed. She was taken to the hospital and released a couple hours later. She has declined to comment for this story.

Jessica Donally of Knoxville's Dimas High School had an untimely bout of diarrhea during Friday night's football game.
Jessica Donally of Knoxville’s Dimas High School had an untimely bout of diarrhea during Friday night’s football game.

 

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