Grass Valley, CA — In a brazen move that would have made most dictators blush, the Grass Valley City Council has decided to completely ignore the will of the electorate and embrace Soviet Union-style governing by assuming the people are too dumb to govern themselves. Even though there were runner-up candidates in the last election cycle, in a odd 3 to 1 vote, the council appointed Ben Aguilar who did not run for the position.
“The people don’t even know what they want,” said newly elected Nevada County Board of Supervisor Dan Miller. “I mean, look, they elected Terry [Lamphier]. Clearly the voters can’t be trusted. This new Soviet-style government in Grass Valley will finally get things done. Maybe Grass Valley will finally get a Trader Joe’s at the Dorsey exchange?”
Generally considered an extinct governing body, the Politburo was the the highest policy-making government authority under the Communist Party of the Soviet Union. And although there were other versions of this governing body, the Soviet model became the template for other countries. The Politburo functioned as the executive branch of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union, and its decisions de facto had the force of law.
“Calling Grass Valley’s decision reminiscent of the Politiburo is a tad misleading,” said Yale Professor James Badwater in Gish Gallop telephone Interview. “Contextually, we’re in a different time. But it’s easy to see how people would think there are a bunch of central planners doing whatever the hell they want. These kinds of decisions rarely end well for elected leaders. However sometimes it does.”
Reaction from the local community was pointed and notably angry.
“As someone who is registered to vote in Grass Valley and who put a lot of time and thought into who I voted for, not six months ago, I find the current council’s decision to bypass the will of the voters and hire someone who the voters didn’t vote for appalling,” said one Facebook Group commenter before being abruptly censored and deleted by the Group’s administrator for not being full of “love and harmony.” [Editor’s Note: Apparently it’s best to “keep positive” and not speak your mind according to local Facebook Group administrators who also enjoy Soviet-style control over public discourse.]
“We wouldn’t want to make our leaders aware that we’re angry with them,” responded a Grass Valley Peeps administrator. “Democracy just brings out the worst in people. It’s best to keep the topics light and fun. You know, talk about dogs and the new frozen yogurt toppings at Culture Shock.”
The City Council’s decision is peculiar given that they could have just appointed one of the runner-ups in the past election. However it’s clear that the 3-1 vote was designed to keep the “old guard” in place rather than even make slight attempts to ease to the voter’s will.
“Hey, they have to maintain control,” said an angry Garret Deasy who teaches English at Nevada Union. “They need to be ‘the deciders’ as President Bush used to say. Perhaps they’ll be able to get something done for a change. Let’s just hope that Nevada City takes this approach instead of their weird, sneaky approach.”